IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? benefits are cultural diversity, various traditions, aslo different cusines examples, in canada, usa, where most people are immigrants who follows different curtural , food options drawbacks are disturbing local people causing fights. people of different groups by residing for a long time tend to have some

Cities
Use synonyms
 having multicultural communities with various ethnic
groups
Use synonyms
 can be
advantage
Correct article usage
an advantage
show examples
 to the city.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 say that different
groups
Use synonyms
 living in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same place might have some
drawbacks
Punctuation problem
drawbacks,
show examples
 it can be
outweigned
Correct your spelling
outweighed
. I agree that it benefits the country and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 evidence to prove the arguments. The
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
show examples
 of having multicultural
people
Use synonyms
 are Cultural Diversity, various traditions and different
cusines
Correct your spelling
cuisines
. As all
groups
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 residing in an area bring out cultural adversity
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
 many ethnic
groups
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 allows communities
explore
Verb problem
to explore
show examples
 various traditions that
are
Correct pronoun usage
they are
show examples
 unaware
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the food options
as
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 every group offers
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be explored.
For example
Linking Words
, in
cities
Use synonyms
 like NewYork, Toronto,
Correct word choice
and Germany
show examples
Germany
Punctuation problem
Germany,
show examples
 where all kinds of
people
Use synonyms
reside
Punctuation problem
reside,
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
they have
show examples
a gained
Correct word order
gained a
show examples
 lot of
tourisum
Correct your spelling
tourism
 from the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
. And
not to mention
Linking Words
 the diversity of food
that is
Linking Words
avaliable
Correct your spelling
available
 around these
cities
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, the
tradiations
Correct your spelling
traditions
 that are followed by various
groups
Use synonyms
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
 others to learn from them without any prejudice. To explain
this
Linking Words
, in a city where different
ethnics
Fix the agreement mistake
ethnic
show examples
groups
Use synonyms
present
Verb problem
are present
show examples
 allows the children to have friends from all parts of the world
Check wording
apply
show examples
groups
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 helping them navigate without any
setrotypical
Correct your spelling
stereotypical
 beliefs. In the same
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 it causes some problems that cannot be overlooked,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are disturbing local prospects and causing rifts among locals.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Canada,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 other major countries face the problem of immigrants occupying
high paying
Use the right word
high-paying
show examples
 jobs
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
, thus
show examples
 leaving the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
 to
settele
Correct your spelling
settle
 for less.
Inconclusion
Use the right word
In conclusion
show examples
, by allowing all kinds of races to dwell may bring
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of attraction to the
cities
Use synonyms
, thereby increasing
moral
Use the right word
morale
show examples
 of the locals. With
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 it may cause a little discomfort among others
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it could be dealt
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples

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task response
Plan your answer. Start with your view. Then give two or three ideas on benefits and two on drawbacks. Finish with a short closing line.
coherence
Put one main idea in each paragraph and give one clear example for that idea.
coherence
Use simple linking words like and, but, also, for example to connect ideas.
coherence
Fix spelling and big mistakes so sense is clear.
task response
Use real places that you know and show how they prove your point.
overall
You show there are both good and bad sides and you try to give proof.
content
You give examples of places with many people from many groups and talk about foods and culture.
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