IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, there are a lot of students who commit suicide each year. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

Suicide has been on
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
show examples
 among
students
Use synonyms
 in many different countries.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly caused by parental pressure and material comparison among
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it can be addressed through open communication and emotional support from both
parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers. One of the primary reasons
students
Use synonyms
 take
such
Linking Words
 extreme steps is unrealistic expectations imposed by their
parents
Use synonyms
. In many
familes
Correct your spelling
families
, academic success is often considered the only measure of achievement. Some strict
parents
Use synonyms
 expect their
children
Use synonyms
 to rank at the top of the class and often punish them for failing to meet these goals. They may
also
Linking Words
 force their
children
Use synonyms
 to choose demanding subjects like science and mathematics , regardless of their interests.
For example
Linking Words
, in India,
students
Use synonyms
 are solely judged on their academic scores.When
high performing
Use the right word
high-performing
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 are unable to maintain their position, they may feel like failures and experience severe mental stress, which can sometimes lead to suicide. Another contributing factor is material and social pressure.
Children
Use synonyms
 often desire expensive items
such
Linking Words
 as smartphones, video games, or laptops after seeing their peers use them. Most middle-class
parents
Use synonyms
 spend their income on education and cannot afford luxury items. When
students
Use synonyms
 compare themselves with wealthier classmates, they may feel inferior and develop
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 of worthlessness, which can seriously affect their mental health. To address
this
Linking Words
 problem,
parents
Use synonyms
 should maintain open
coomunication
Correct your spelling
communication
 with their
children
Use synonyms
 and teach them that failure is a part of life.Emotional support is more important than material success.
In addition
Linking Words
, teachers can play an important role by creating a supportive environment and educating
students
Use synonyms
 about mental health and the value of life. In
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, excessive parental expectations and unhealthy social comparisons are major causes of suicide. With supportive parenting, responsible teaching and emotional awareness,
this
Linking Words
 tragic
isuue
Correct your spelling
issue
 can be significantly reduced.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You have a clear look at the two big causes and how to help. Add more detail and proof for the ideas.
coherence
Use linking words with simple form (and, but, also, then) to show how ideas fit.
grammar
Fix small copy mistakes and shorten long sentences so the text reads well.
content
Give more facts or simple data to back up points.
content
You write on two main causes and how to help.
structure
You give a real idea of how to help at home and in class.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: