IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

People are living longer. As a result, some people think that older people cause many problems to the government. Others argue that they have greater contribution to the society. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantage

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 middle numbers of the
popluation
Correct your spelling
population
 of
people
Use synonyms
 start to go higher than ever.
Linking Words
Fix capitalization
However
show examples
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 that made a lot of
people
Use synonyms
's opinion grows.
Body paragraph 1
most
Fix capitalization
Most
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
bothered
Verb problem
are bothered
show examples
 by old souls thinking they are
causeing
Correct your spelling
causing
problems and
stoped
Use the right word
stopped
show examples
following the rules.
However
Linking Words
, their
theore
Correct your spelling
theory
begin
Correct subject-verb agreement
begins
show examples
 with
beliving
Use the right word
believing
show examples
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 more
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person gets
old
Use the right word
older
show examples
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 more
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 does not care about the rules and
starting
Wrong verb form
start to adopt
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 disrespectful
attuide
Correct your spelling
attitude
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Overall
Linking Words
 of their main thought, the more the population
gets
Verb problem
goes
show examples
 through
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
, facing the worst in
life
Punctuation problem
life,
show examples
 they start to act less
traditional
Replace the word
traditionally
show examples
 and
heartless
Replace the word
heartlessly
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 refuse to
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 idea
thinking
Punctuation problem
, thinking
show examples
 it
Verb problem
is
show examples
not logical and unfair for old
pople
Correct your spelling
people
 to put them
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a cage to judge them based on one old person who was reckless and
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 to be on the bad side.
Body paragraph 3
Linking Words
besides
Fix capitalization
Besides
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 the
poplutions
Correct your spelling
population
 had concerns about
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, they agreed that there is a lot of positive
behavier
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 coming through old
people
Use synonyms
, and the majority find it really hard to
proof on
Verb problem
prove
show examples
 the opposite
argue
Replace the word
argument
show examples
.
Conclusion
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 main result of having
pre adult
Use the right word
pre-adult
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 is having a logical opinion from
people
Use synonyms
 who lived longer and went through the changes of the country
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 a strong
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
 to make their
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 government bigger and stronger.

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task response
Make a plan before you write. Say your view first. Then add two or more ideas for and against with small facts or example.
structure
Give a short intro and a short end. The intro restates the task in your own words and shows your view.
coherence
Each paragraph should have one main idea and a small example.
grammar
Check your spelling and grammar. Use simple words and correct mistakes.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
improvement guess
The writer tries to talk about both sides of the topic.
content
Some real effort to use clear point on aging people and society.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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