Some people believe that working from home using the internet is better for both employees and companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The ‏question of whether the authorities should
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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more money on
healthcare
Use synonyms
than on education and sports has sparked a significant amount of debate in recent years.
While
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some
people
Use synonyms
believe that
this
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trend brings various drawbacks, I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
notion and support the idea of spending more money on
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
is primarily because it leads to reducing financial pressure on understanding families, and
furthermore
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, it contributes to improving public health. ‏On the one hand, the primary reason why I support
this
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idea is that
reducing
Wrong verb form
it reduces
show examples
financial pressure.
This
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is because
It
Fix capitalization
it
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allows
people
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to receive treatment without high costs, which plays a vital role in enhancing the situation for many individuals.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
approach assists
people
Use synonyms
in achieving better results in their daily lives.
For example
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, free
healthcare
Use synonyms
helps low-income families avoid expensive hospital bills.
Consequently
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
trend leads to positive outcomes for society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another significant advantage of
this
Linking Words
movement is improving public health.
This
Linking Words
is
due to
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the fact that Early treatment prevents serious diseases, leading to a positive impact on the community.
Moreover
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, the authorities can improve the quality of life by supporting
such
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initiatives.
For instance
Linking Words
, vaccination programs reduce the spread of infectious diseases.
As a result
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,
this
Linking Words
contributes significantly to ensuring a stable and prosperous future for everyone. In conclusion,
Linking Words
although
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
although
Linking Words
some
people
Use synonyms
focus on the disadvantages, I firmly believe that spending more money on
healthcare
Use synonyms
is highly beneficial.
This
Linking Words
is because it reduces financial pressure and improves public health
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
enhances the
overall
Linking Words
quality of life in society.

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structure
Keep the plan clear: intro, two body paragraphs, and a short conclusion. Make the point in each paragraph very clear.
cohesion
Use the right link words. Do not mix 'on the one hand' with 'on the other hand' here. Use 'first' and 'then' or 'also' to connect ideas.
grammar
Check word form errors: 'should spending' should be 'should spend'; 'funds' or 'money' good. 'understanding families' should be 'family finances' or 'families' finances'.
lexis
Use simple and exact words. Try to avoid long phrases that are not clear. For example, 'reducing financial pressure' can be 'less money worry for families'.
content
Give specific and real examples to back ideas. Even small facts help a lot.
content
State your view in the intro and repeat it in the conclusion. Make the stance easy to see.
strength
The answer shows a clear view in favour of more health spend.
strength
There are examples like free health care and vaccination to support ideas.
strength
There is a basic structure with an intro, body, and conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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