IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that governments should invest more money in public services instead of the arts (such as music, painting, and theatre). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people argue that
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should
invest
Verb problem
apply
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allocate funds to public
services
Use synonyms
 rather than in the
arts
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,
such
Linking Words
 as music, painting, and theatre. To begine with, if appropriate investment is made in public
services
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, which include healthcare, education, and infrastructure, the quality of life can be significantly enhanced, as social stability is greatly influenced by the provision of these essential
services
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. If funds are diverted from essential
services
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due to
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 limited government budgets, vulnerable populations may be adversely affected, as prioritisation decisions are constrained by financial limitations.If sufficient support is provided to the
arts
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, national heritage and shared values can be preserved through artistic expression, as cultural identity and social cohesion are reinforced by these creative practices.If investment is made in the
arts
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, employment opportunities can be increased, tourism stimulated, creativity nurtured, and emotional well-being enhanced, as both economic growth and mental health benefits are promoted through cultural engagement. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 public
services
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 are crucial for social stability and quality of life, the
arts
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also
Linking Words
 play an indispensable role in preserving cultural identity, fostering social cohesion, and generating economic and mental health benefits.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that a balanced approach should be adopted, whereby adequate resources are allocated to both essential
services
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 and artistic initiatives, as societies can only thrive when their citizens’ material needs and cultural well-being are simultaneously supported.

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task response
Plan a short start that shows your view and what you will talk about.
structure
Make each paragraph focus on one idea and start with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use easy linking words to show add, contrast, and result.
examples
Give one or two real or simple examples to back up each point.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar to fix small errors.
strength
The writer shows a clear view that balance is key.
strength
The piece talks about both sides and has good ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • invest
  • money
  • public services
  • arts
  • music
  • painting
  • theatre
  • healthcare
  • education
  • well-being
  • citizens
  • funding
  • quality
  • access
  • social welfare
  • inequalities
  • community
  • creativity
  • mental health
  • balance
  • support
  • partnerships
  • cultural activities
What to do next:
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