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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflet the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, currently, the increasing
sales
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 of
consumer
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goods
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 (rising
demand
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) are often influenced by advertising rather than by the genuine needs (actual requirements) of society.
However
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, I disagree that advertising alone determines these
sales
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, as
consumer
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demand
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 itself
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also
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is also
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plays
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apply
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a critical factor.
To begin
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 with, I disagree that advertising drives product
sales
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. If high
sales
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 of popular
consumer
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goods
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 occur, it means that society demands those products.
Moreover
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, in the case of mobile phones,
such
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 as the latest iPhone versions, they are well-established brands, and the iPhone has effective marketing. When products are sold by sellers,
although
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 they may not achieve high
sales
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 (despite not necessarily resulting in strong
demand
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), it depends on several factors (it is contingent upon several factors)
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such
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, such
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 as technology, design (technological features, product design), and everything about the phone, whether it is different or not.
Nevertheless
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, another reason for the high
sales
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 of popular
consumer
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goods
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 reflecting the power of advertising is the price decrease (discount promotion) of products
due to
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 Happy New Year or summer
sales
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 (seasonal promotions).
For example
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, computers or televisions: if computers
and
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or
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 televisions are offered at discounted rates, it means they result in substantial
sales
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. If computers and televisions are not offered at discounted rates, it means they have low
sales
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 during the month. In conclusion, currently, in contemporary society, I disagree with the power of advertising. The high
sales
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 of
consumer
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goods
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 do not depend on / are contingent upon the power of advertising, but rather on
consumer
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demand
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 and production
that is
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 dictated by market needs.

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task
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and say how much you agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Start with a topic sentence and then add a reason or example.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas are linked, and keep a clear flow from one sentence to the next.
grammar
Check grammar in long sentences. Break them into two shorter sentences to avoid errors.
lexical
Use simple words and limit long phrases. This keeps meaning clear for the reader.
examples
Give a clear example for each idea to show how your point works.
task
The writer shows a clear view and argues against the statement.
coherence
The essay uses some real examples, like iPhone and price cuts.
coherence
Good use of sign posts like 'To begin with' and 'In conclusion'.
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