IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The three pie chart below show the total school spending in UK in three periods.

The
pie
Use synonyms
 charts below graphically represent the total expenditures made by a school in the UK within 3 different periods of time.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the
teachers
Use synonyms
' salaries went up from 1981 to 1991 , and the
insurance
Use synonyms
 grew by 5% in the final year. In the first
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
, the largest compartment is allocated to the
teachers
Use synonyms
' earnings , which amounts to 40%,
this
Linking Words
 is seconded by the other workers' wages at 28%. Progressively, the minorities on
this
Linking Words
chart
Use synonyms
 are the resource
equipment
Use synonyms
 and the furniture and
equipment
Use synonyms
 , which both accounted for 15% and
finally
Linking Words
 the
insurance
Use synonyms
 , which is less than 5%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, after 10 years, the
teachers
Use synonyms
'
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 increased by 10%,
whereas
Linking Words
 there was a deduction in the other workers' earnings by 2%. In sharp contrast to the first
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
, the resource and furniture
equipment
Use synonyms
 had varied values with a difference of 10%, and
then
Linking Words
 the
last
Linking Words
 , which is the
insurance
Use synonyms
 account, had a 1% increment over the 10-year gap.
Finally
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
, the pattern of the
teachers
Use synonyms
' slice on the
chart
Use synonyms
 changed as there was a decrease in their earnings by 5%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
 , the same goes for the other workers, as they decreased to less than 20%. In comparison to the
last
Linking Words
 two
pie
Use synonyms
 charts, the furniture and
equipment
Use synonyms
 compartment had a higher percentage than its supposed counterpart by 14% and the
insurance
Use synonyms
 funds had a great turnout
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 it increased by 8%
this
Linking Words
 year.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, teachers, insurance, chart, equipment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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