IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that children should be encouraged to take part in team sports at school, while others think that individual activities are better for children’s development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**

In
Change preposition
During
show examples
 the period of learning
, students
Check wording
period, students
show examples
 ought to be motivated to participate in
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. Some argue that individual
activities
Use synonyms
 are beneficial for children's growth. On the one hand, pupils in
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 can learn
Use synonyms
team work
Use the right word
teamwork
show examples
 and unity at learning institutions, which can
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them in the future. These
activities
Use synonyms
 will help them to share their ideas
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other,
can
Correct pronoun usage
which can
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 be useful in time saving,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be helpful in the future as well.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
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these days, in
high demand
Use the right word
high-demand
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 schools, teachers are giving more attention to children's playtime
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 students have
play time
Use the right word
playtime
show examples
 periods in which they learn
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 and
giving them
Wrong verb form
are given
show examples
 opportunities to share their knowledge and work in unity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, children can get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to experience by
their ownself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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. They can become innovative and creative by doing independent
activities
Use synonyms
. Students can become
self made
Use the right word
self-made
show examples
 and can show their skills in individual projects or
activities
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are several types of games in schools in which pupils compete individually and show their abilities
;
Punctuation problem
,
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such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 chess
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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, table tennis, drawing competitions and many more.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
team work
Use the right word
teamwork
show examples
 and unity
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
, innovation and creativity
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a vital role in individual
sports
Use synonyms
 or success. Both types of arguments have their own advantages, but in my opinion, individual learning has more benefits as compared to the former
sports
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear map: intro, two body parts, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Write a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to show the main point.
coherence
Link ideas with connect words like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'in addition' to help flow.
content
Give more full reason for each idea. Explain how it helps the child.
content
Use more specific and school-related examples that relate to team and individual sports.
grammar
Fix grammar and form, such as 'team work' should be 'teamwork' or 'team sport' and 'self made' -> 'self-made'.
structure
The essay shows a clear plan with an introduction, body and conclusion.
content
It covers both sides of the topic and gives an opinion.
content
There are examples of games and play time used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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