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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph illustrates attendance rate of students for various language courses in Uzbekistan.

The line graph shows the information about the rate of people in Uzbekistan who had
courses
Use synonyms
 of learning languages in different years from 2011 to 2017
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 English and Chinese
courses
Use synonyms
 had a significant increase in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 years. The course of
Korean
Correct article usage
the Korean
show examples
 language showed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stability in Uzbekistan Looking at the line graph, in 2011, the English course had under than 5000
students
Use synonyms
. From 2012 to
2017
Punctuation problem
2017,
show examples
number of the
Correct word order
the number of
show examples
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost the same, it was a little bit less
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 6000 people. The Chinese language
courses
Use synonyms
 had 3000
students
Use synonyms
 in 2011.
Then
Linking Words
, from 2012 to
2014
Punctuation problem
2014,
show examples
 there were similar
stat
Check wording
statistics
show examples
 as in 2012, it was more than 3000 individuals. In 2015, it went up
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was less than 4000,
then
Linking Words
 increased again and reached a number of 4000
students
Use synonyms
 Looking at the details, the Russian language
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the previous two
courses
Use synonyms
 had a significant downgrade. In 2011, it was 4000
students
Use synonyms
, it went down in 2012 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less than 4000
students
Use synonyms
, it kept
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 again and
again
Punctuation problem
again,
show examples
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 in 2013 it was 3000
students
Use synonyms
.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 4 years
it had shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 downgrade and reached a little bit more than 2000
students
Use synonyms
 in 2017. The Korean course showed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stability
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
and it was under 2000 people from 2011 to 2017

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words courses, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stability" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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