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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The issue of
competition
Use synonyms
 or
cooperation
Use synonyms
 has generated considerable debate. Some individuals strongly believe that collaboration makes
children
Use synonyms
 become more capable people than
competition
Use synonyms
.The essay will discuss both perspectives and the arguments for and against each view. I believe that it is more important to develop the
ability
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 of
corporation
Correct article usage
the corporation
show examples
. On the one hand,
competition
Use synonyms
 makes
children
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 have the motivation and goals to achieve. When
children
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 are in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 competitive environment, they have
more clear
Correct word choice
clearer
show examples
 goals that they want to complete
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have the will to make more effort to perform well.
For instance
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, in order to get perfect grades in the exam, students make plans to arrange their study time by themselves to boost
study
Correct pronoun usage
their study
show examples
 effects.
In addition
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,
Being
Fix capitalization
being
show examples
 encouraged to compete
also
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 enables
children
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 to have the
ability
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 to relieve stress and face failure. In the process of
competition
Use synonyms
,
children
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 are
impossible
Correct word choice
unable
show examples
 to win every time,which makes them
to
Verb problem
learn to
show examples
afford
Verb problem
cope with
show examples
 failure and learn from difficulty.
As a result
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, adapted
competition
Use synonyms
 not only boosts kids’ motivations but
also
Linking Words
 develops their
ability
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 to withstand pressure.
On the other hand
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,
cooperation
Use synonyms
 can
make
Verb problem
lead to
show examples
 better consequences and enhance
children
Use synonyms
’s communication
ability
Use synonyms
. A great number of individuals believe that collaboration makes
children
Use synonyms
 become more capable people than
competition
Use synonyms
.
Cooperation
Use synonyms
 helps
children
Use synonyms
 learn how to communicate and collaborate. These
Use synonyms
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
 are important in
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 and society.
For example
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, in a team report, students must communicate their opinions and divide the work to complete the result that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can’t
Use the right word
can’t
show examples
 be done by one person. The experience helps
children
Use synonyms
 develop responsibility and cooperative
ability
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, I believe that the
ability
Use synonyms
 of
cooperation
Use synonyms
 results in the consequence that
children
Use synonyms
 adapt easily to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and fit the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 of
career
Correct pronoun usage
their career
show examples
. In conclusion, rivalry motivates
children
Use synonyms
’s motivation, which helps them set goals and make efforts.
Besides
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,
cooperation
Use synonyms
also
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 helps them develop the
ability
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 of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 that makes them learn how to complete tasks with other people.
On the contrary
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, I believe that the
ability
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 of teamwork is extremely important to help
children
Use synonyms
 become adults who adapt to society and
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
However
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, using both
cooperation
Use synonyms
 and
competition
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial to
children
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’s
overall
Linking Words
 development.

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language
Fix errors in word use. 'corporation' is not right here; say 'cooperation'.
structure
Make your main idea clear in the start. A strong opening sentence helps the reader know your view.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Use 'but', 'and', 'so' to show contrast and flow.
content
Give more specific facts or sentences that show your points. Examples help.
idea
You write about both views and give your own view.
example
You give some examples in your writing.
structure
There is a clear end that sums up the idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of competition
  • encourage
  • cooperate
  • useful adults
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • motivation
  • goals
  • excellence
  • work ethic
  • personal accountability
  • interpersonal skills
  • empathy
  • teamwork
  • effective communication
  • community
  • belonging
  • emotional well-being
  • globalized
  • interconnected
  • collaborate
  • balanced approach
  • individual achievement
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