IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that young people should follow the traditions of their society. However, others think that they should be free to make their own choices as individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In modern
society
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, some people argue that young
adults
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 should follow their
society
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's
traditions
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,
while
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 others believe it is more important to make their own choices. From my perspective, the latter seems more plausible;
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however
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however,
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 both sides of the issue will be examined in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, I accept that
traditions
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 are valuable
that
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and
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 should be preserved by young
adults
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. First of all, young
adults
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 have the
responsibilities
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responsibility
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 for preserving their
society
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’s
traditions
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. Young
adults
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 exist with their ancestors’ countless time and effort to build stable social systems. Following the
traditions
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 of their
society
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such
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, such
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 as foods, traditional
clothings
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clothing
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, moral ethics, and cultural
norms
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norms,
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 can help their
traditions
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easier
Verb problem
be easier
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 to sustain.
Secondly
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, disciplines from ancestors include life lessons.
For example
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, many young
adults
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 who are studying for tests or encountering challenges
,
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apply
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 set traditional proverbs as their devices’ wallpaper.
On the other hand
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, it seems commonly
believe
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believed
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 that protecting young
adults
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’ freedom to choose their own decisions is more realistic.
Firstly
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,
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
 are changing rapidly. From technical innovation to
internationalization
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internationalisation
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, social circumstances are transforming day by day. The problems they are facing can be necessary defined and
analyzed
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analysed
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 with the background of modern
society
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.
For example
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, in Asian
society
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, many young
adults
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 are taught to be polite and calm in any
situations
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situation
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. To become more diverse in Asian communities, young generations aim to force themselves to speak their own words to protect themselves from harmful rules.
Secondly
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, decision-making fosters leadership skills. If young
adults
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 take the
responsibilities
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responsibility
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of
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for
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 their opinions and decisions, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 work hard to achieve
goals
Correct pronoun usage
their goals
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.
This
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 can help young
adults
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 to build leadership
in
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at
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young
Correct article usage
a young
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 age. In conclusion, some believe that following
traditions
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 can help
traditions
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 to be preserved and make wiser decisions, but realistic and not regretful solutions can be came and developed from themselves.

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Task response
State your view clearly in the intro and end with a clear opinion in the conclusion. Plan your essay: one part on traditions, one part on freedom, then a short final verdict.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clear links like first, also, but, however, and finally. Keep ideas in order and make each paragraph focus on one idea. Shorter sentences help readability.
Grammatical range and accuracy
Fix grammar mistakes and use simple but correct words. Check verbs, plural forms, and word choice (for example, clothes, traditions, themselves).
Structure
The essay shows a plan with an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
Content
It tries to discuss both sides of the issue.
Examples
Some real examples are used (like traditional proverbs).
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