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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that using mobile phones has more advantages than disadvantages. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 use mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In my opinion, the advantages of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 outweigh the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one important advantage is that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 make communication easier.
People
Use synonyms
 can talk with their family and friends anytime and anywhere.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 use mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 to call or send messages when they need help.
This
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 is very useful in emergency situations.
Secondly
Linking Words
, mobile
phones
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 provide many services
such
Linking Words
 as
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and applications.
People
Use synonyms
 can use
phones
Use synonyms
 for studying, working, and shopping online.
This
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 saves time and effort, especially for busy
people
Use synonyms
. Because of
this
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, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
have become
show examples
 very important in modern life.
However
Linking Words
, there are some
disadvantages
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using mobile
phones
Use synonyms
. One negative effect is that
people
Use synonyms
 may spend too much time on their
phones
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can cause health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and reduce
face to face
Use the right word
face-to-face
show examples
 communication.
Also
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, some young
people
Use synonyms
 become addicted to mobile
phones
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
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 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 have some
disadvantages
Use synonyms
, I believe that the advantages are more important and outweigh the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Clear position and direct answer to the question.
coherence
Good use of order words (Firstly, Secondly, However).
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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