IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

These days, there is a trend among the youth to hold media and sports
stars
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 in exceptionally high esteem, frequently placing them on a pedestal as idols and role models.
While
Linking Words
this
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 admiration can sometimes yield positive outcomes, the trend of venerating celebrities who do not set a good example represents a negative development for youth and society at large. The most significant negative is the change in the value system in a youngster's life. When fame, wealth, hard
work
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, and kindness are involved, it changes the view about what truly matters. A young person who idolises the sports
stars
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 with their multi-million dollar contracts, overlooking the history of violent conduct or doping, is internalising a dangerous hierarchy of success.
This
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 admiration can normalise poor behaviour, suggesting that talent excuses transgressions and that the end justifies any means.
On the other hand
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, a good point is that
stars
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 can teach young people how to
work
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 hard and stay focused. Even if a star makes mistakes, they usually became famous because they practised for thousands of hours, never gave up, and were very disciplined. A young fan can see
this
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 and think, If I
work
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 that hard at my studies or my sport, I can improve too.
For example
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, knowing that a favourite basketball player shoots 500 shots every day might motivate someone to practice their own skills regularly. So, by looking at a celebrity’s
work
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 habits—not their personal life—young people can find real motivation. They learn that success comes from daily effort, which is a very positive lesson. n conclusion,
while
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 the human look up to
stars
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 is not new, the modern scale and nature of
this
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 admiration present a pressing concern. The trend is largely negative because it often rewards poor examples and undermines the cultivation of robust personal values.

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Task Response
State your view clearly at the start and keep to that view throughout the answer.
Coherence
Link ideas smoothly with simple words like first, next, also, but, however, in conclusion.
Grammar
Fix small grammar and spelling errors, like 'n conclusion' and 'idol' wording; check subject and tense.
Lexis
Use only common words. Replace any hard words with simple ones, so it stays clear.
Examples
Give more clear examples that show how youth act in real life, not just facts.
Strength
The essay shows you have a view and present both sides.
Strength
Uses examples to explain ideas.
Structure
There is a clear plan: negative, positive, then conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • media personalities
  • sports icons
  • role models
  • admiration
  • influence
  • behavior
  • mindset
  • values
  • unethical behavior
  • healthy lifestyles
  • social media platforms
  • celebrity culture
  • career aspirations
  • educational goals
  • positive change
  • ethical standards
  • amplify
  • idolize
  • public perception
  • impressionable
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