IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that students should focus solely on academic subjects, while others think it is equally important for them to learn creative skills like painting, music, and drama. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many
people
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 around the world think the new upcoming
genaration
Correct your spelling
generation
 should focus solely on academic
subjects
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 because they think it is what is needed for future
devoplemnt
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development
 of societies and for the good of the world/
enviroment
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environment
. Most old
people
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 and parents from old genaration encourage their own children to abandon their
passion
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 and
skills
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 and focus purely on academic
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as science, maths, etc, negating their children's
skills
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 in creative
work
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 or
art
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 or whatever it is they excell in,
this
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 can offer benefits because our own society often values academic
subjects
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 much more than creative
skills
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 and
art
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, because in our parents viewpoint, they want what is best for us, and
therefore
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, they see that it is extremely time consuming to become extraordinary in creative
skills
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, and in order to make a good living
while
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 doing
art
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 or some sort of creative
work
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, you usually need to be extraordinary at it,
in contrast
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 getting and acheiving a degree in an academic subject almost always guarantees you a job at a well established firm/company,
on the other hand
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art
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 and creative
skills
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 arents so lucky in that matter.
In contrast
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, young
people
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 believe with all their hearts that they should
persue
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pursue
 their own
passion
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 and career
to
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apply
show examples
which they enjoy
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they do not want to be trapped in a career that they do not have
passion
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nor
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or
show examples
 love for, they would rather have a career in something that
bring
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brings
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 them euphoria and delight.
Although
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 most of the time academic
subjects
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 often pay more in average when compared to creative
work
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 and
art
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, many
people
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 of
this
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 genaration prefer the feeling of content and peacefulness in their loved and wanted jobs rather than stressing and ''making more money'' in something they find repulsive,
this
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also
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 is a norm of human behaviour, we often
work
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 exceptionally superior doing stuff we have a strong sentimental
passion
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 for when compared to doing stuff we have no sole
passion
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 for. In conclusion, i think we should be less stubborn and let each other enjoy their lives and not let them get chained up doing stuff they do not enjoy nor like, we should let every human do and excell on whatever it is they enjoy and are competent in,
this
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 would be the best for future societies and the
overall
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 serene and happiness of the population.

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task
Task: State your view clearly in one short line at the start, and give 2 clear reasons with small, real examples. Make the final line restate your view.
coherence
Flow: Use clear blocks. Start with intro, then 2 body parts for each side, then a short conclusion. Use simple link words like First, Also, But, So to guide the reader.
content
The essay talks about both sides and ends with a view.
structure
It uses some link words to show contrast.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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