IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online than face to face . Is this a positive or negative development?

Although
Linking Words
 I concede that there are some positive aspects to
this
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,I believe that
this
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 is a generally
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
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 development. On the one hand,it is very comfortable
communicate
Verb problem
to communicate
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 at home because
do
Correct pronoun usage
you do
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 not need to
dressing
Wrong verb form
dress
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 up,do make up or even have a shower.Just send sms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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that is
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 all.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 it is very fast
just
Punctuation problem
, just
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 1 minute to write a sms and some seconds to send it.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
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people
Use synonyms
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
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 on network sites
such
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 as
instagram
Fix capitalization
Instagram
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,
snapchat
Fix capitalization
Snapchat
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,
facebook
Fix capitalization
Facebook
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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there
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 are very nice to use.
People
Use synonyms
 can wear different online masks,make filters in a dialogue and talking
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 more interesting and funnier.Another benefit is that
people
Use synonyms
 can find
a
Correct article usage
apply
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new online friends
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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in
Punctuation problem
, in
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Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
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consequences
Punctuation problem
consequences,
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 may become something better
that
Correct word choice
than
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 friends
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 a wife or husband.On internet has many examples like
this
Linking Words
.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 it is
economy
Correct article usage
an economy
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 of
time
Use synonyms
 and money.
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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people
Use synonyms
 can watch a movie together on
online
Correct article usage
an online
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 platform and spend
time
Use synonyms
 together.
Nevertheless
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,that approach can become a reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 different
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 illnesses like sociopathy and so on.
People
Use synonyms
 spending too
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
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time
Use synonyms
 at home stop
to go
Wrong verb form
going
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 out and
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
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 with each other in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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real
life
Use synonyms
.In
consequence
Punctuation problem
consequence,
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due to
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 that image
life
Use synonyms
 individuals start to
scare
Wrong verb form
be scared
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 of
life
Use synonyms
 out of their home and stop
leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
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the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 comfort zone.In
Fix capitalization
Japan
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japan
Punctuation problem
japan,
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 these humans
call
Wrong verb form
are called
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 "hikikomori"
people
Use synonyms
 who isolate themselves from society.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,online
life
Use synonyms
 can
bring
Correct word order
also bring
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
Linking Words
also
Correct word order
apply
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for physical health.
Main
Correct article usage
The main
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 reasons
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 sitting
life
Use synonyms
image
Check wording
position
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,lack of fresh air and vitamin D.
People
Use synonyms
 spend too
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
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time
Use synonyms
 on
Correct article usage
the computer
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computer
Punctuation problem
computer,
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Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why getting worse their posture and eyes.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they do not go out
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they have a lack of vitamin D because it
gets
Verb problem
is obtained
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 from the Sun.
Then
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 health is getting worse
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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life
Use synonyms
 expectancy
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
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 down. In conclusion,comfort and speed might appear
some
Verb problem
to some
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 positive, yet I am convinced that it is a detrimental development.

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grammar
Fix the grammar of many lines and make short, clear sentences. Read the piece aloud to hear mistakes.
structure
Make one idea in each paragraph. Start with a small line that shows the point, then give a short, simple example.
content
Stick to the topic. Do not add new ideas in one long line. Keep to the main idea of each paragraph.
cohesion
Use more linking words to show how ideas connect, like also, but, so, therefore.
content
Add two or more clear examples for both sides to show a balanced view.
content
Your view is clear and you state your side.
structure
You use some connecting words to show links between ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • online interactions
  • virtual communication
  • global community
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital divide
  • cyberspace
  • virtual presence
  • social networking
  • mental wellbeing
  • digital literacy
  • safe spaces
  • marginalized groups
  • face-to-face communication
  • socialisation
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