In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the societyIn many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the societyIn many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society

At
Change preposition
For at
show examples
least
decade
Correct article usage
a decade
show examples
, the proportion of elderly
people
Use synonyms
has increased significantly.
Linking Words
due
Fix capitalization
Due
show examples
to longer life expectancy and lower birth rates.
This
Linking Words
demographic change has led to a debate about whether an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
brings more benefits or drawbacks to
society
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, the negative impacts of
population
Use synonyms
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
are more significant than
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
. One significant advantage of
population
Use synonyms
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
is that elderly
people
Use synonyms
are highly experienced in life.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can play an important role in
society
Use synonyms
, particularly for the younger generation, by offering valuable advice and emotional support.
For instance
Linking Words
, when young
people
Use synonyms
face problems that are difficult to solve, they may not receive useful guidance from friends or peers ,who lack sufficient life experience.
Hence
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
are often consulted because they tend to have broader perspectives and
deeper
Correct article usage
a deeper
show examples
understanding.
This
Linking Words
demonstrates that the elderly make a positive and essential contribution to
society
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
some disadvantages associated with
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
shortages, especially in healthcare work.
For example
Linking Words
, care work often requires long hours of availability and physical
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
may be manageable for younger
people
Use synonyms
, it can be extremely challenging for the elderly, as both their physical strength and stamina have declined
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
the public may not be able to receive proper medical care.
This
Linking Words
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
that demographic
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
will lead to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
in medical and health standards.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it may lead to a decline in the quality of medical and healthcare services
, if
Punctuation problem
. If
show examples
medical standards continue to deteriorate, serious consequences
such
Linking Words
as rising mortality rates and reduced quality of care may occur.
While
Linking Words
the advantages are considerable, the potential negative effects should not be overlooked.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important to consider both the pros and cons of. In conclusion,
population
Use synonyms
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
is a critical issue, and it is essential for
society
Use synonyms
to start taking
this
Linking Words
problem seriously.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay shows a view that aging has more bad effects, but the main idea is not clear in the first line.
task response
Put your view in the intro as a clear sentence. Then add two or three clear reasons in the body to support this view.
coherence
Keep ideas clear. Use short, simple sentences. Break long lines into two or three small ones to aid reading.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas connect. Words like first, also, but, so help the flow.
task response
Give examples that fit the idea and explain how they show your point. The examples should be easy to see from the text.
content
The writer gives a view and uses some examples to back it.
structure
There is effort to discuss both sides before giving a final view.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: