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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some systems require students to specialize in a limited range of subjects from the age of fifteen. Other systems require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of these two education systems and which is better?

The effectiveness of the current educational systems to prepare young people for the
labor
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labour
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 market remains an ardent debate, particularly the need for a later
subject narrow-down
Use the right word
subject-specific approach
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. After graduating
middle
Change preposition
from middle
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 school,
students
Use synonyms
 may choose to study a diverse palette of courses or
specialize
Change the spelling
specialise
show examples
 in a limited range of
subjects
Use synonyms
, both options holding significant advantages to be considered. There is
undoubted
Correct word choice
an undeniable
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 opportunity in learning a wide range of
subjects
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as languages, mathematics, ICT, physical education
etc.
Punctuation problem
, etc.
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 perhaps the most prominent one is the rich knowledge horizon obtained. Learning a bit of everything can provide insights and develop skills to answer various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of questions or respond to diverse challenges of our modern life.
For instance
Linking Words
, knowing the basics
in
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of
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 physics might be of help at home when the light goes
off
Rephrase
out
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, studying in a multi-subject system can be an enabler to make a better informed career choice
while
Linking Words
 unveiling the
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
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 talents and strengths. Meanwhile, many systems are cutting
subjects
Use synonyms
 off and providing
specialized
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specialised
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 education in a certain domain, which
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to channel their energy into their preferred
subjects
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 must be by far a more enjoyable experience than having to learn seemingly irrelevant
subjects
Use synonyms
 like
available
Correct pronoun usage
those available
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 in the multiple
subjects
Use synonyms
 system.
Moreover
Linking Words
, limiting the number of
subjects
Use synonyms
 through a
specialization
Change the spelling
specialisation
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as tourism,
for instance
Linking Words
, often comes with a
dive deep
Correct word order
deep dive
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 into that subject area, ensuring a thorough and hands-on preparation for the
students
Use synonyms
 to
further
Linking Words
 conquer the job market. If I were a student again, I would have certainly chosen to pursue an educational system
specialized
Replace the word
specialising
show examples
 in
economic
Replace the word
economics
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studies
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apply
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. Either way, my preference for mathematics and statistics was clear since I was a child
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the opportunity to learn the economic studies basics after
the
Correct article usage
apply
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middle school would have been instrumental in preparing me to join an entry-level job earlier and be able to financially support my family.

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task response
Give a clear answer on which system is better and give two strong reasons with simple examples.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Use simple words like 'also', 'but', 'for example'.
structure
Write four clear parts: introduction, two body paragraphs, and a short conclusion.
language
Check small grammar and word use. Keep to easy words.
content
Use more real and simple examples to back up points.
content balance
The essay talks about both sides of the idea.
examples
Some example is used to show point.
engagement
The voice shows some own view and thought.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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