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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.

The pie charts compare the proportions of male and female workers employed in different occupational categories in Great Britain in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 men were more likely to
work
Use synonyms
 in managerial and professional
as well as
Linking Words
 manual
jobs
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 were predominantly employed in clerical and related positions.
In addition
Linking Words
, manual
work
Use synonyms
 accounted for a much larger share of male
employment
Use synonyms
 than female
employment
Use synonyms
. Looking first at female
employment
Use synonyms
, the largest proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 worked in clerical or related
jobs
Use synonyms
, at 31%.
This
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 was followed by managerial and professional positions, which made up 29%. Craft or similar occupations accounted for 27%,
while
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 other non-manual
jobs
Use synonyms
 represented 9%. Only a very small percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 were employed as general labourers (1%) or in other manual
work
Use synonyms
 (3%).
In contrast
Linking Words
, male
employment
Use synonyms
 was dominated by managerial and professional roles, which constituted the largest segment at 36%. Craft or similar
jobs
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 were the second most common category among men, at 26%, followed by other manual occupations, accounting for 24%. Clerical or related
jobs
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 and other non-manual
work
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 each represented 6%,
while
Linking Words
 general labourers formed the smallest group, at 2%. In summary, the data highlights clear gender differences in
employment
Use synonyms
 patterns, with
women
Use synonyms
 favouring clerical roles and men being more concentrated in managerial and manual occupations.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, jobs, women, employment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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