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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe the aim of university eduction is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefis of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some would argue that the goal of university learning is to support
under-graduates
Use the right word
undergraduates
show examples
find
Wrong verb form
in finding
show examples
 a suitable occupation,
while
Linking Words
 others think that there are several advantages of
educating
Wrong verb form
being educated
show examples
 in
universities
Use synonyms
 for both citizens and society.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees with the latter view. On the one hand, being in a university would play a contributing role in
decisions making
Use the right word
decision-making
show examples
.
This
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 is because they give them efficient knowledge, which improves individuals' concentration to focus effectively on both positive and negative sides of an issue.
As a result
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,
this
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 could potentially lead to positive outcomes for people to be partly ready in life.
For instance
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, a recent survey in Japan showed that many
university's
Check wording
universities'
show examples
 pupils taught many specific beneficial skills;
therefore
Linking Words
, the vast majority of Japanese are satisfied with
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 lives and have the ability to choose their own lives
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
properly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
universities
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 are helping and encouraging undergraduates to get several job opportunities. At present, many
universities
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 ignore
students
Use synonyms
' academic performance, whether they gain low or high grades.
In other words
Linking Words
, some doctors and professors have a profound love for salaries
while
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 neglecting
students
Use synonyms
' participation in the classroom, which constitutes a great gap between
teacher-student
Correct article usage
the teacher-student
show examples
 relationship.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
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 may have a more critical influence on pupils to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor learning outcomes in the long term.
For example
Linking Words
, research in India
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 found that many
students
Use synonyms
 have expressed their concerns about their future job, since their doctors have ignored whether they grasp the lesson or not. In conclusion,
universities
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 play a contributing role in shaping
students
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' future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 by improving and building a
rigid
Correct word choice
rigorous
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 system to develop concentration
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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;
thus
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 have the ability to decide their future effectively.
However
Linking Words
, sometimes it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 an impact on
students
Use synonyms
 by neglecting their behaviour and academic results as well.

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task response
State your view clearly at the start and end. Here, the idea is not shown in a strong way. Add one strong point for each side and say your own view with one clear sentence.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Use simple links to move from idea to idea, like first, also, but, so.
structure
The essay has a plan with an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
example
There are some examples that try to show points (though they are weak).
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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