IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that cell phone should be for personal use only others however feel cell phones should be used mostly for work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Lots of people believe that cell
phones
Use synonyms
 should only be used for personal
use
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
on the contrary
Linking Words
, plothera of people believe that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should only be used for work purposes
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, which
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 frankly disagree with.
Phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 has detrimentally increased in the past few years as a way for easy gathered social and personal
use
Use synonyms
, its really convenient because you can
use
Use synonyms
 your
phone
Use synonyms
 almost everywhere, in the house, workplace, park and so on, and it can surprisingly connect you to all sorts of communities around the world,
for example
Linking Words
, i can stay in contact with my friends who live all the way across the sea, there is a massive distance between us, and yet i can still talk to them as if they were here next to me. Society often criticises people who spend most of their free hours on they're
phones
Use synonyms
, because they see it as mindless scrolling which does not benefit them in anyway whatsoever,
however
Linking Words
 they believe that
phones
Use synonyms
 offer great deals of opportunity because you can
use
Use synonyms
 your
phone
Use synonyms
 to work, you could
for example
Linking Words
 become an influencer who makes a living laying in his own bed without having the trouble to wake up early and be on time,
therefore
Linking Words
 they view
phones
Use synonyms
 as strictly business and don't think it is for personal enjoyment.
Phones
Use synonyms
 offer easy
accessiblity
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 to
cost free
Use the right word
cost-free
show examples
 information which would be hard to access in real life.
This
Linking Words
 means that you can learn complex or easy concepts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet without having to sign up for
exploitatively
Rephrase
excessively
show examples
 costly courses in real life, which you can access
through
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the comfort of your own couch with a couple of clicks.
For example
Linking Words
, i once saw an add about trading and how you can trade on the stock market, it intrigued me
therefore
Linking Words
 i went to the exact location which was a blocks away from my home,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, the price of the course was almost 1000$, which is insanely expensive for a young adult,
moreover
Linking Words
, when i went home, i learnt how i can trade in a week or so with a few youtube videos without having to pay enormous fees. In conclusion, using your
phone
Use synonyms
 for personal
use
Use synonyms
 offers great benefits and learning
opportunties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
,
similarly
Linking Words
, working with your
phone
Use synonyms
 and succeeding makes everything more convenient.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
show examples
 my opinion remains intact,
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 should mostly be used for personal and social
use
Use synonyms
, catching up with friends and far family members.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view clearly in the introduction and end with a clear conclusion.
coherence
Plan your essay. Use one idea per paragraph and start each with a simple line that tells what the paragraph is about.
coherence
Use simple links to show how ideas connect, like and, but, also, because, so.
content
The writer shows that phones can help both work and life.
content
The essay uses examples to show how phones can keep people in touch.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: