IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that giving offenders longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime, however, believe that other measures are more effictive. dissuess both these views and give your own opinion

Nowadays,
people
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 have different views about how to reduce
crime
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 more effectively. Some
people
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 think that giving
offenders
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 longer
prison
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sentences
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 is the best way to reduce
crime
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. They believe that being in
prison
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 for a long time is an effective way to prevent similar crimes from happening again.
In addition
Linking Words
, giving
offenders
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 longer
prison
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sentences
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 can prevent other
people
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 from wanting to imitate the original
crime
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.
This
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 can help the
crime
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 rate decline significantly and make communities safer. Others agree that there are better ways to reduce
crime
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 than giving
offenders
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 longer
prison
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sentences
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. We know that there are many reasons that cause
crime
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,
such
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 as unemployment, mental problems, and revenge.
This
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 means that we need to focus on
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the reasons are when a
crime
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 happens and how to prevent it.
For example
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, nowadays, unemployment is the highest it has been in the past ten years. If someone cannot afford food, robbery may occur in the community. In
this
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 case, the government needs to figure out how to help unemployed
people
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 afford daily necessities. In my view, punishing
offenders
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 with long
prison
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sentences
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 may be a short-term solution.
However
Linking Words
, identifying the real causes of
crime
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 is the best way to prevent it.

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content
Add more real life facts or clear figures for each side, to back the idea.
coherence
Use more clear link words to show contrast and result, like 'but', 'so', 'as a result'.
structure
State your view in one simple line at the end and repeat it briefly in the last sentence.
language
Check small grammar and keep short, common form sentences to avoid mistakes.
Task response
The essay shows that the cause of crime is key to cut crime.
Coherence
The piece talks on both sides and ends with a clear view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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