IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that being excellent in
books
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 is the only way to make it in
life
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and
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, and
show examples
 much effort is put
inorder
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in order
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 for it to be achieved
which
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, which
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 includes
,
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apply
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 getting rid of co-curricular
activities
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 so that the learners can concentrate on class work. I tend to disagree because skills
such
Linking Words
 as preparing meals are
Use synonyms
life time
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lifelong
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 courses that
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
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independent
Replace the word
independence
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and
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, and
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also
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, every
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 talented
different
Replace the word
differently
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.
To begin
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, in
this
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life
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, whether adults or elderly, having knowledge and know-how of taking care of your daily
activities
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 is a
top notch
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top-notch
show examples
 because after
school
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school,
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 one needs to take care of themselves.
This
Linking Words
 is why there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
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 to have training on culinary arts, exercises and other
activities
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 done on our
day to day
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day-to-day
show examples
 schedule.
Additionally
Linking Words
, after school, the youths will be
longer relying
Correct word order
relying longer
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 on hotel food or
hire
Wrong verb form
hiring
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 someone to do laundry for them if they know how to do it.
For example
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, a study done in Nigeria at the Niger University press
,
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apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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showed that 70% to 85 per cent of newly employed
staffs
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staff
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 were able to catch up with the work since they were independent in doing almost everything on their own.
Therefore
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, dependency is reduced when people have skills at hand. Another thing is that being clever
on
Change preposition
with
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books
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 is not a
one-size-fits all
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one-size-fits-all
show examples
 thing. Some students are better
in
Change preposition
at
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 sports
while
Linking Words
 others are good
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
books
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. Removing other
activities
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 from the programme will
make
Verb problem
discourage
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 those good at them
be discouraged
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and limit their progress in
life
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.
Moreover
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, we have many people who were not super in academics but are rich as far as games are concerned.
For instance
Linking Words
, Elon Musk is one
for
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of
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 the richest people in the
world
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world,
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 known for his largest contribution
in
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to
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 the digital platform.
According to
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 his history, he was not doing well in class
but
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, but
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due to
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 his
renovative
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innovative
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 skills, he was able to succeed to date.
y
Correct your spelling
With
this
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, we see that no need to concentrate only on
books
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' smartness. In conclusion, I tend to
difer
Correct your spelling
differ
with the idea that
co curricular
Use the right word
co-curricular
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 be scrapped in order that the pupils concentrate on the class work because they will need those lessons after
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 and that not all of them can be book smart.

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coherence
Link ideas clearly with easy words. Use 'first', 'then', 'also', 'but' to show flow.
structure
Say your main point in the first paragraph and restate it at the end.
development
Give strong and clear examples that fit the point.
grammar
Check spell and use simple words. Avoid hard wording.
style
Keep short sentences. Don’t make long, hard lines.
stance
You show a clear view against removing activities.
content
You try to give reasons and a sample or two.
structure
There is an ending line that repeats your view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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