IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and have no place in the modern world. Others feel that zoos still serve a useful purpose. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

In today's world
Use synonyms
zoos
Punctuation problem
, zoos
show examples
 are looked down
as
Change preposition
on as
show examples
 a cruel place in which
animals
Use synonyms
 are tamed for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment purposes.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that they are very useful
to keep
Change preposition
in keeping
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 the species preserved. The essay will discuss both views
along with
Linking Words
 my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an entertainment source for human beings. The
animals
Use synonyms
 are kept in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cages
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they are trained hard so that they can entertain the viewers and attract more people.
This
Linking Words
 will be beneficial for zoo owners as more people buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tickets to watch shows.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the pain
which
Correct word choice
that
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 these
animals
Use synonyms
 had to endure in the form of training is very much and shows the inhuman behaviour of men. The instructors
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
 leashes or sticks to tame these creatures who can not even express their pain through words. These all
expresses
Correct subject-verb agreement
express
show examples
 the cruelty which wild
animals
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 to face in
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
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making
Punctuation problem
, making
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 it unsuitable to live.
However
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 the natural habitat to
animals
Use synonyms
 which have been destroyed by humans for infrastructure and
over population
Use the right word
overpopulation
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. In order to meet the growing needs of wood for construction for the general public, forests are
getting
Verb problem
being
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 destroyed.
Therefore
Linking Words
, wild
animals
Use synonyms
 have no place to live
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 shelter and food to them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by providing safe
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
 to
animals
Use synonyms
, we are saving our natural food chain. As plants,
animals
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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comprises
Wrong verb form
comprise
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 the main elements of
ecosystem
Correct article usage
an ecosystem
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. These
all are
Correct word order
are all
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inter-dependent
Use the right word
interdependent
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 and can not survive online. So, animal preservation is necessary in order to maintain a healthy ecosystem. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
zoos
Use synonyms
 have brutal training and
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 for entertainment, but it is
also
Linking Words
preserving
Wrong verb form
preserve
show examples
 them by providing them shelter and maintaining
natural
Correct article usage
a natural
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 ecosystem. I believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
 should not enforce any sort of training on these creatures and let them live the way they want to live.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should ensure that no animal is
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
harmed in any zoo.

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structure
Make your plan clear at the start and end with a clear view.
grammar
Use plain and correct grammar. Check small mistakes in verb form and word use.
content
Give one clear example for each point to show your view.
task
You show both sides and give your own view.
coherence
There is a plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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