IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The table and bar chart give information about how and where 1600 students in Australia used their computers from 2001 to 2002.

The bar graph provides the Key information about the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of males and females who are
their major
Wrong verb form
majoring
show examples
is
Use the right word
in
show examples
 engineering
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unversities
Correct your spelling
universities
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Australia in 1992 and 2002. It is clear from the chart that the number of men
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more than women in the three years.
In addition
Linking Words
, the males who are studying engineering decreased
through
Change preposition
during
show examples
 that period.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,females increased year after year
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown in 1992, men were 11000,
while
Linking Words
 females were 2000
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 than men
largely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2002
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2002, male students dropped to 12000,
there
Rephrase
apply
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 girl pupils rose to 4000.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the number of
boy
Fix the agreement mistake
boys
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more than girls

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: