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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart showed the percentage of school children learning to play four different musical instruments (violin, guitar, piano, drums) in 2005, 2010, 2015.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of school children learning to play four different musical instruments (violin, guitar, piano, drums) in 2005, 2010,
2015
Correct word choice
and 2015
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
piano
Correct article usage
the piano
show examples
 accounted for the highest figure,
whereas
Linking Words
 drums remained the lowest
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 end of the
Use synonyms
period
Punctuation problem
period,
show examples
 it
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
change
Replace the word
changed
show examples
. In the
details
Punctuation problem
details,
show examples
 guitar
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 noticeably over the
period
Use synonyms
, rising from approximately 10% in 2005 to 40% in 2015 and was
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 top
possition
Correct your spelling
position
 with 40%. Piano showed an
overall
Linking Words
upweard
Correct your spelling
upward
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
.
Initially
Linking Words
 was
recordedaround
Correct your spelling
recorded around
 10% in 2015
remained
Correct word choice
and remained
show examples
 at
rouglhy
Correct your spelling
roughly
 38%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, drums remained relatively stable at around
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 with only minor changes over the
period
Use synonyms
meanwhile
Punctuation problem
. Meanwhile
show examples
,
violin
Correct article usage
the violin
show examples
 showed a general decline over the
Use synonyms
period
Punctuation problem
period,
show examples
afterthat
Correct your spelling
reaching
 was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lowest at 5% in 2015

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 93%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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