IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the chart shows the percentage of males and females who were overweight in Australia from 1980 and 2010

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of men and
wen
Use the right word
women
show examples
 who were overweight in Australia between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the male figure
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 increased steadily, but
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a slight decline
at the end
Linking Words
 of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
 figure rose generally, and
then
Linking Words
 remained stable
at the end
Linking Words
. First of all, the percentage of men has a
significnatly
Correct your spelling
significant
 growth from 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1980 to 65
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000. And
then
Linking Words
 fell slightly to 61
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 after a decade.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of women shares
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar growth but less
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 the male figure. They rose
noticeablly
Correct your spelling
noticeably
 from 32
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 52
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 over
twenty-year
Use the right word
twenty years
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 remained stable
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 52
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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