IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience

On the one hand, virtual spaces are very helpful for connecting with family and friends in far places.
This
Linking Words
 is because modern lives are so busy that
people
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 have no time to spare to visit with their relatives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, social
media
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 allows
people
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 to save time and distance with just a click on their electronic
gargets
Use the right word
gadgets
show examples
while
Linking Words
also
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 managing their challenging lives.
For example
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, most immigrants abroad have taken advantage of these advances in
media
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 and communication to stay in
touch
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 with their families and friends in their countries of origin.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, social
media
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 reduces the opportunity for physical gatherings. Physical meetings allow for
touch
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, hugs, kisses, handshakes, and other forms of non-verbal cues that aid the development of tighter socioemotional bonds.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 generally run out of common interests when all they do is meet
online
Punctuation problem
online,
show examples
 since relations are better developed through activities done together.
This
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 is why some migrants now fear returning home, because they are no longer in sync with the local culture, values and relations.
However
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, unlike
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past, the opportunity to stay in
touch
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 online means that there is a fair chance of maintaining transnational relationships and partially participating in cultural activities. In conclusion,
people
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 around the world use social
media
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 to keep in
touch
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 with other
people
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 and get the news. My opinion is that enhanced opportunities for virtual connection far
outwiegh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the lack of physical meetings because
people
Use synonyms
 can remain connected
while
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also
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 pursuing their busy lifestyles.

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structure
Start with a short intro that states your view clearly.
coherence
Use clear links to join ideas and keep ideas on one line at a time.
task
Give one or two clear examples to back your point.
grammar
Fix spelling and small grammar mistakes to win accuracy.
lexical
Use simple, everyday words to keep the style easy to read.
structure
Good use of On the one hand and On the other hand to show both sides.
content
Conclusion states your view.
content
Examples from real life (immigrants) show you can use facts.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media
  • stay in touch
  • news
  • updates
  • distance
  • people
  • friends
  • family
  • easy
  • fast
  • learn
  • share
  • post
  • message
  • comment
  • group
  • community
  • information
  • truth
  • fake news
  • reliable sources
  • verify
  • privacy
  • privacy settings
  • security
  • data
  • risk
  • distraction
  • stress
  • time
  • balance
  • limit
  • habit
  • example
  • experience
  • use
  • useful
  • problem
  • solution
  • opinion
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