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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today young people are forced to get a job which they are not suited to or passionate about. What do you think may be the reasons for this? What problems might this cause?

In today's world, youths
work
Use synonyms
 in industries they are not interested
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 or qualified to
work
Use synonyms
 in .
This
Linking Words
 is because of several reasons
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of jobs and poverty. The problem with
this
Linking Words
 is that it causes
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 attitude towards the
job
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, low
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 rates and poverty force young people to
work
Use synonyms
 in industries they are not passionate about. In many developing countries, most youths hold high qualifications
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 there are few organisations to employ them.
This
Linking Words
 causes too much competition as they scramble for employment.
As a result
Linking Words
, they take any
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities coming their way
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 if they are not suited. Recently, a certain study found that in many developing countries, most youths have jobs they are not qualified to do.
For example
Linking Words
, a teacher can be found working as a receptionist or waitress. Employing people who are not passionate
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the
job
Use synonyms
 causes a lot of problems as they may not be scared to lose it.
First,
Linking Words
they may have a negative attitude
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may affect
goals
Correct article usage
the goals
show examples
 of the organisation.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the relationship with other employees may be affected because
such
Linking Words
 individuals may not reach deadlines.
Also
Linking Words
, they may burden their
co-workers
Punctuation problem
co-workers,
show examples
 especially when working in groups.
For instance
Linking Words
, most workers do not like associating
or
Change preposition
with or
show examples
to be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 put in a group with someone lacking enthusiasm for their
job
Use synonyms
. They usually avoid
such
Linking Words
 an individual. In conclusion, most young people
work
Use synonyms
 where they lack enthusiasm and passion.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the economic situation
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 provides few
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities and poverty.
This
Linking Words
 makes them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
develop
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 attitude and
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 relationship with co-workers.

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strength
Your essay has a clear aim and two main parts: why youths take bad jobs and the problems this causes. This is good.
improvement
Add more detail to the reason and the effect. Give more than one example and explain how each point or idea helps the idea as a whole.
improvement
Work on linking ideas. Use good topic sentences and connect words like also, but, because, so, however.
strength
Clear topic and a plan with causes and effects.
strength
There is an example about a teacher doing a different job.
strength
Conclusion repeats main idea.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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