IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There is a suggestion that all young adults should be required to participate in unpaid work to assistpeople in the community. Do the drawbacks of this requirement outweigh the benefits to both the community and theindividual young adults? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that young
adults
Use synonyms
 should involve themselves in
volunteer
Use synonyms
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a great growth opportunity for them, and the advantages of it far outweigh the disadvantages.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide evidence to support my position. There are multiple benefits of young
people
Use synonyms
 participating in
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
it increases the connection between
community
Use synonyms
 components, especially between different generations.
This
Linking Words
 is because
volunteer
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 creates the opportunity for different generations to connect with each other.
Second,
Linking Words
it decreases the need for foreign workers.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the availability of local workers within the
community
Use synonyms
 itself, which has a great impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
While
Linking Words
 others believe that they should focus more on their studies because in
this
Linking Words
 case they will be more beneficial for the
community
Use synonyms
 when they have college degrees, in my personal
view
Punctuation problem
view,
show examples
 I don't support that perspective.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are numerous advantages of unpaid
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 done by teenagers
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 themselves.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
this
Linking Words
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 will help them develop their social skills, which is extremely important at their age.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
volunteer
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 increases their self-worth dramatically, since they are seeing their positive impact on other
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will help them develop into decent
adults
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that
adults
Use synonyms
 who volunteered early in their lives often tend to be humble and respectful characters. Despite all of these advantages, there are still some
people
Use synonyms
 who think that
this
Linking Words
 is a waste of time for teenagers because they should be bound with their families
instead
Linking Words
 of random
people
Use synonyms
 in the
community
Use synonyms
. I personally don't see any contradiction between doing both things at the same time. In fact, many parents push their children toward
this
Linking Words
 sort of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
. In conclusion, I strongly support young
adults
Use synonyms
 doing
volunteer
Use synonyms
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 because of the positive impact on both individuals and society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make a clear plan at the start and end by restating your view.
content
Give each point a clear reason and tie it to the prompt.
language
Use simple words and short, direct sentences.
examples
Add one or two real examples from life to show your point.
tone
Good view and clear stance.
structure
Uses linking words like first and furthermore.
organization
Introduction and conclusion are present.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: