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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Climate change is one of the biggest challenges humanity is facing today. What are the causes of climate change, and what measures can governments and individuals take to tackle the issue?

The climate and the weather have become severe nowadays. I personally believe that it is caused by humans themselves. To address
this
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, it is important for the
government
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 to restrict deforestation and choose environmentally friendly
products
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 for individuals, and
this
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 essay will explain
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
. One of the problems
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 as we know that it is allowed by the
government
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 to cut down trees for industrial or export abroad.
For instance
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, Jati wood is commonly used as a material for furniture, which some countries do not have
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
this
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, so they import it from Indonesia. The reason is the incapability of human resources to manage it, and definitely to gain money for the country’s budget. Sadly, the
government
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 do not think to preserve
this
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, and
this
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 is happening in most of Indonesia’s forests.
As a result
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, we do not have more trees to produce oxygen and to stabilise temperature and humidity.
This
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 is why we experience more shine and hotter days than wet.
Secondly
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,
as a result
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 of technology and modernisation, there are many
products
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 using chemical compounds that affect the ozone layer.
For example
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, perfume and deodorant use a spraying system from a can for convenience, but they contain CFC and other chemical compounds that can damage the protective earth’s layers.
Consequently
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, it causes global warming. A possible solution to these problems would be for the
government
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 should pass a strict law on the preservation and cutting of wood.
Additionally
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, as individuals, we can
also
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 reduce the use of chemical
products
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 that can damage the climate.
For example
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, using environmentally friendly
products
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,
such
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 as bar soap, as a body fragrance. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 climate change is caused by environmental degradation and daily human activity. So, I firmly believe that it can be solved with good coordination from all stakeholders. It is
also
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 predicted that we will be able to reach
this
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 expectation.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first paragraph. Say two causes and two ways to fix. Make a plan.
coherence
Use one main idea per paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use linking words to move from one idea to the next: first, next, also, however, therefore.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Use simple, short sentences. Avoid long mistakes.
content
Add more specific examples that are easy to understand.
content
The essay shows that the writer knows climate change is caused by human actions.
content
It mentions real ideas like forest cutting and use of chemicals.
structure
It ends with a short conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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