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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view. You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

There is an ongoing debate whether wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 should be
perserved
Correct your spelling
preserved
 in
Use synonyms
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
 or not. It is argued by some individuals that keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
captivity is unethical. Others,
however
Linking Words
, believe that it can be beneficial for both
animals
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
Nevertheless
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, in my opinion,
due to
Linking Words
 the advantages of learning about different
species
Use synonyms
 by students, and protecting the endangered
species
Use synonyms
, supporting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 conservation will be the most appropriate choice.
To begin
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 with, the foremost
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
animals
Use synonyms
 in the
zoo
Use synonyms
 do not feel safe because of the harsh reality of the enclosed
environment
Use synonyms
 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the workers in the
zoo
Use synonyms
 treat the
animals
Use synonyms
 poorly and
rigorous
Verb problem
are rigorous
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 giving proper care, in
worst
Correct article usage
the worst
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case
Punctuation problem
case,
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 it would
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to the fatal of the
animals
Use synonyms
 .
For example
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,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 'Gir
zoo
Use synonyms
' in Gujarat, where wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
such
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 as
lion
Fix the agreement mistake
lions
show examples
 are trained and
perpared
Correct your spelling
prepared
 for
entertainment
Use synonyms
 in
circus
Correct article usage
a circus
show examples
 or
reality
Correct article usage
a reality
show examples
 show. During
this
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 process,
animals
Use synonyms
 have to undergo continuous training which can be tiring and
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
.
Therefore
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,
majority of the
Correct word order
the majority of
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 do not actually feel safe in
such
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arena
Correct article usage
an arena
show examples
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the monterary
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monterary
Correct your spelling
monetary
 benefit of the
people
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
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, other
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it has
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
show examples
 of advantages through
Correct article usage
the perservation
show examples
perservation
Correct your spelling
preservation
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 .
Firstly
Linking Words
, it helps to educate the young minds where students can learn the nature and
habitate
Correct your spelling
habitat
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 closely
instead
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 of risking their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to see the
animals
Use synonyms
 in the forest.
Secondly
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, it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 best source of
entertainment
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 can visit with their families to spend leisure time with nature.
For Instance
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, I remembered when my parents usually took me to the
zoo
Use synonyms
 when I was a child, for
entertainment
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,
as well as
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education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
purpose
Punctuation problem
purpose,
show examples
 where my father used to
say
Verb problem
talk
show examples
 about the
character
Replace the word
characteristics
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
each
species
Use synonyms
, which I found very fascinating and comprehending at the same time.
Thus
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, having
Use synonyms
zoo
Correct article usage
a zoo
show examples
 can be a great
assest
Correct your spelling
asset
 for education and
entertainment
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, I still opine that
captiviting
Correct your spelling
captivating
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 in the
zoo
Use synonyms
 can be
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
. Another reason to stem my fact is that endangered
species
Use synonyms
 are in danger
due to
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 natural
phenomenon
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomena
show examples
 and other factors
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due
Punctuation problem
, due
show examples
 to which
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
count
Check wording
numbers
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are declining rapidly.
Thus
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, providing
shelther
Correct your spelling
shelter
 with
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
 can be an aid to their
popullation
Correct your spelling
population
, and
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 them to create a safer and protective
environment
Use synonyms
 .
To conclude
Linking Words
, the debate for conserving wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 is arguable.
As it
Change preposition
It
show examples
 creates mental torture because of
captivity
Replace the word
captive
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 in the
zoo
Use synonyms
.
Neverthelss
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, it can be beneficial for both
animals
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as learning about different
species
Use synonyms
 and a medium of
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
,
as well as
Linking Words
 providing shelter to the endangered
species
Use synonyms
.
Correct article usage
The Governement
show examples
Governement
Correct your spelling
government
 should take charge
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 maintaining
standard
Correct article usage
a standard
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
 and provide proper care for the
animals
Use synonyms
 so that it can benefit both
animals
Use synonyms
 and humans.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first sentence and keep it in all parts of the writing.
coherence
Use clear links to move from one idea to the next and outline your plan before you write.
grammar
Use simpler grammar and shorter sentences. Check your spelling and punctuation.
vocabulary
Try to use common words only and fix common misspellings like 'preservation' and 'endangered'.
organization
Write in four parts: intro, two body paragraphs, and a short conclusion.
content
The writer shows a clear view and tries to give reasons.
examples
The essay uses a personal example to add feeling.
structure
It talks about both sides and ends with a view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • zoos
  • animal rights
  • conservation
  • rehabilitation
  • sanctuary
  • ethical considerations
  • natural habitat
  • psychological well-being
  • endangered species
  • educational programs
  • animal welfare
  • exploitation
  • human superiority
  • wildlife preservation
  • abnormal behaviors
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