IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Undoubtedly, with the rapid development of
technology
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
Science
Correct article usage
the Science
show examples
 and
Technology
Use synonyms
 subject may be more important in modern society.
Whereas
Linking Words
 some people look upon
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 subject as something meaningful,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 refer to
science
Use synonyms
 as
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 field in our society. As for my perspective, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the reasons will be elaborated on as follows. An array of factors may lead to why history is one of the most important school subjects.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if we can learn
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
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 knowledge from
ancient
Correct article usage
the ancient
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 world, we can use
those
Correct determiner usage
that
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 information to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people’s lives. To be more specific, we can absorb the experience from the past and progress equipment or machines to work efficiently in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,as far as I am concerned,
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Technology
Use synonyms
 are more important than history.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Science
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 and
Technology
Use synonyms
 can bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
innovation and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creativity, helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people using electronic devices to contact each other
easiler
Correct your spelling
easily
 than before. Take
myself
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
 as an example. I can use
face-time
Use the right word
FaceTime
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 functions to keep in touch
my
Change preposition
with my
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 parents even though we are living in different areas. In the past, cellphones
just can
Rephrase
could only
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 call
to
Change preposition
apply
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somebody, but
cannot
Wrong verb form
could not
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 see their appearance and emotion
in
Change preposition
on
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 their face.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Technology
Use synonyms
 can mitigate carbon emissions from vehicles.
In other words
Linking Words
, nowadays, there are more eco-friendly cars introduced and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people tend to choose those cars in order to reduce carbon emissions, establishing
lovely
Correct article usage
a lovely
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 environment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 generations. In conclusion, based on
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
,
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Technology
Use synonyms
 are really important in society
due to
Linking Words
 innovation and reducing carbon emissions.

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task response
Give a fair view to history and science, with clear links to why both matter.
coherence
Use more clear topic sentences and connect ideas in each paragraph.
language
Use simple grammar and fix common errors (e.g., 'easier', 'knowledge' usage).
purpose
The writer shows a clear view and keeps a stance.
examples
Examples like FaceTime and eco cars give some support.
structure
There is a conclusion that restates the view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
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