IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is believed by some people that extended
prison
Use synonyms
sentences
Use synonyms
 are the accurate way to reduce crime
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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others
Use synonyms
 argue that there are other ways to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there
are
Remove the redundancy
apply
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are some initiative methods like psychological counselling
Correct pronoun usage
that is
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 applicable, I completely agree with
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 tenure of punishment benefit in abating criminal activities. On the one hand, perpetrators are given mental counselling to eradicate crime rates,
as a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 it will be beneficial for them
instead
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 of long-term
prison
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sentences
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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,
this
Linking Words
 session will be conducted by designated professionals who are capable of providing guidance that will
ensure
Verb problem
prevent
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 prisoners from committing other crimes.
For instance
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,
Linking Words
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a recent report states that in the USA, criminals who are given additional guidance by medical practitioners are found to be less active in fraudulent activities during their parole period.
However
Linking Words
, the chances of success
rate
Check wording
apply
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in young criminals are quite less
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is not applicable for every situation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if scammers are given
prolonged
Correct article usage
a prolonged
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 period of life
sentences
Use synonyms
 to jail must
aware
Verb problem
be aware
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 of
punishment
Correct article usage
the punishment
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 given to them.
In addition
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, it will
also
Linking Words
 prevent
others
Use synonyms
 from following the same path
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the authorities can ensure
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
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 of
others
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, in India, more than 40,000 offenders are sentenced
lifelong
Change preposition
to lifelong
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
, who are committed
child
Change preposition
to child
show examples
 abuse and
terrorism
Replace the word
terrorist
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 activities.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 clearly states that longer
prison
Use synonyms
sentences
Use synonyms
 will not only ensure
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 of
others
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 help to
allivate
Correct your spelling
alleviate
 terrorism
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the country. In conclusion, counselling by medical professionals
aim
Correct subject-verb agreement
aims
show examples
 to
success
Verb problem
achieve success
show examples
 over small period,
while
Linking Words
 extended
sentences
Use synonyms
 of criminals to jail benefit a country in
surpassing
Verb problem
reducing
show examples
 the fear of crimes.

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improvement
Plan your answer. Start with a short intro that states your view, then two clear body parts and a short ending.
structure
Use simple connect words to show order and flow. Words like First, Also, However, Finally help readers follow your idea.
content
Give more proof for your ideas. Use one or two real facts or numbers and say where they come from.
accuracy
Check grammar and spelling. Small mistakes hide your meaning. Read aloud or ask a friend to check.
content
You show a clear view on the topic.
structure
You use On the one hand and On the other hand to mark sides.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • incarceration
  • recidivism
  • deterrence
  • rehabilitation
  • restorative justice
  • probation
  • community service
  • incapacitate
  • social programs
  • root causes
  • accountability
  • punitive measures
  • preventive measures
  • recidivist
  • vocational programs
What to do next:
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