IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think the government should take measures regarding the healthy lifestyles of individuals. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.( Health)

There is an ongoing debate regarding
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 healthy lifestyles. Some individuals believe that the
officails
Correct your spelling
officials
 should manage the
lifestyles
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
show examples
 health of members.
However
Linking Words
, others claim that it should be done by people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, ahead of my opinion, the bathe both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views will be discussed
further
Linking Words
. Examining the
formoer
Correct your spelling
former
 view, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is that the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should put a set of laws to be followed by People regarding their health. In
additions
Fix the agreement mistake
addition
show examples
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 birth,
must
Correct pronoun usage
one must
show examples
 take the necessary
Cheak Cheak
Check wording
precautions
show examples
 to
be tacked
Verb problem
avoid
show examples
 unexpected side effects for some
illnases
Correct your spelling
illnesses
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
 should be managed by
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
out
Use the right word
our
show examples
 country should oblige
per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 to do
Correct article usage
a monthly-check
show examples
monthly-check
Use the right word
monthly check
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 his/her
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
, to make sure
if
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they
have
Rephrase
don't have
show examples
 any problems
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 that must be put it as law
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 something
optional
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
optional.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, those in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
 opinion have their own
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,they claim that each one should take his/her
awn
Use the right word
own
show examples
 responsibility for her/his
heath
Use the right word
health
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 means that the individuals must take care of their
heath
Use the right word
health
show examples
 in ways they want.
For example
Linking Words
, they should follow
diet
Correct article usage
a diet
show examples
, do exercise and go to
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 monthly or daily
chech
Correct your spelling
checkups
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
authoritres
Correct your spelling
authorities
 must
put
Verb problem
impose
show examples
 taxes
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those who
do
Verb problem
engage in
show examples
 bad habits
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 smoking.
To conclude
Linking Words
 and offer my position,there are convincing opinions for and
aginst
Use the right word
against
show examples
 the
heathy
Use the right word
healthy
show examples
 lifestyles of individuals. I
certanity
Correct your spelling
certainly
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 the former view because not everyone has
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 and money to manage that
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should offer these
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 to each citizen.

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task
State your view clearly in the intro and restate it in the end.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea and begin with a simple topic sentence.
content
Give simple and clear examples to back each idea.
coherence
Use clear link words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar to fix common mistakes and keep form.
content
The writer makes a clear effort to state a view.
structure
The essay shows both sides of the issue and has a conclusion.
content
Some examples are given to support points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • economic stability
  • national productivity
  • healthcare costs
  • chronic diseases
  • public awareness campaigns
  • subsidized gym memberships
  • socio-economic groups
  • personalized health plans
  • intrinsic motivation
  • government mandates
  • non-compliance
  • personal freedom
  • governmental intervention
  • personal responsibility
What to do next:
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