IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Women Make Better Parents than Men and That Is Why They Have the Greater Role in Raising Children in Most Societies

Raising a child is the responsibility of both the father and the mother.
Therefore
Linking Words
, arguing about which gender is better at parenting is, in my opinion, inappropriate. Some people believe that women are more capable of raising children because they develop a strong emotional bond with their children even before birth.
This
Linking Words
 early connection may help mothers express care, love, and attention more naturally, especially during a child’s early years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that men can be better parents because they are often more rational and disciplined. Fathers may be more consistent in enforcing rules and maintaining order in the household without being overly influenced by emotions. In conclusion, effective parenting depends on an individual’s personality, values, and commitment rather than gender. Both men and women can be excellent parents, and gender should not be used as a measure of parenting ability.

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content
Add more detail by giving simple examples to show your point.
coherence
Make a clear link between each idea and the main choice; show how one idea proves your view.
structure
Have a clear opening that says your view, and end with a strong last line.
grammar vocabulary
Use short, clear sentences and seek to use only common words.
tone
Keep a calm tone and show both sides first, then give your own view.
content
The essay has a clear view that gender should not fix how a person acts as a parent.
coherence
It uses 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion' to link ideas well.
structure
There are two body parts and a simple end, which makes the piece easy to read.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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