IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, the question of whether scientists should educate about the consumption of junk
food
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 has been widely discussed.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that educating society is really necessary for the future, others believe that individuals should take the initiative
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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this
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 will not work properly. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both points of view and explain why I agree with the first statement. On the one hand, some
people
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 argue that
food
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 education permits the creation of suitable habits in fields where knowledge is more relevant than experience to successfully develop your body and mind in the future.
For instance
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, in social life, home and work routines, you need to have a deep understanding of the situation to perform your duties properly.
This
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 is because it is easier for a human being to consume junk
food
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 than to follow a balanced diet, since
for
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apply
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that
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apply
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you need the desire to change.
On the other hand
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, others believe that there are other fields in which education needs
people
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 with appropriate knowledge about recipes, fresh
food
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 and vitamins in order to obtain the important benefits of learning how to be independent.
Although
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 in these types of teaching, theory is still important, it is even more crucial to take the correct steps for turning it into a habit,
such
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 as being organised, constant, disciplined and
resolutive
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resolute
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.
For example
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, a survey conducted in sports centres demonstrates that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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70 % of the members have a nutrition plan to obtain better health results and that
this
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 education is highly valuable for themselves. In conclusion, you need help to improve your routine and personal growth surrounding your social life regarding
food
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.
However
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, judging from my personal experience, you need professional follow-up to create habits without obsessing.
Therefore
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, I agree with those who give more importance to educating
people
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.

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task response
Add clearer, more specific reasons for your view. Explain how education on junk food can lead to better health.
structure
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence and then add one or two supporting details.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences and check grammar to avoid errors.
content
Give concrete examples that relate directly to diet and health, and avoid general or vague statements.
coherence
Ensure the conclusion matches the introduction and keep a steady stance throughout the essay.
structure
The essay follows a clear layout with introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence
Two linking phrases are used to show a view and its opposite.
task response
The writer takes a clear position in favour of education.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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