The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Thesis statement: Disadvantages outweigh advantages

It is often argued that large businesses hold personal

information

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

essay thinks that the drawbacks of owning

this

Linking Words

kind of

data

Use synonyms

can outweigh the benefits because

although

Linking Words

some

people

Use synonyms

might

get

Verb problem

find it

show examples

easier to

access

Use synonyms

some platforms and advertisements,

this

Linking Words

enables them to

get

Verb problem

be vulnerable to

show examples

identity

Use synonyms

theft and financial

loss

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. The accumulation of personal

data

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by large internet companies might create a shortcut to

Use synonyms

access

Wrong verb form

accessing

show examples

some platforms. Because they filled

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

required

information

Use synonyms

with the personal

data

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they already have, making it easier and effortless to log in to some websites.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, advertisements can be more specific and effective

Change preposition

due to

show examples

the consequences of developing personal

information

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, Instagram are showing games and educational advertisements to kids and students through Reels or Instagram Feeds.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay argues that without

this

Linking Words

approach, individuals would not be as comfortable as recently to give their details.

Conversely

Linking Words

, major organisations are often targeted by cybercrime and cyberattacks, resulting in unauthorised

access

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to sensitive

data

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Such

Linking Words

breaches can lead to

identity

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theft for

people

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, which can cause them to lose their

identity

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Moreover

Linking Words

, financial

loss

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can

also

Linking Words

become a major setback

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

matter. The reason is that

people

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data

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might be manipulated , and

this

Linking Words

includes passwords and

identifications

Fix the agreement mistake

identification

show examples

, which allows irresponsible parties to get into a person's bank account and lose money.

For example

Linking Words

, one of the most recent cybercrime activities in Indonesia involved using a fake PDF file to lure old

people

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to open the document and automatically steal all the

data

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in their phones. Causing more than a hundred million

loss

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This

Linking Words

essay believes that it is important to keep personal

information

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

ourselves and only give it to reliable parties. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

it is comfortable to easily

access

Use synonyms

some of the provided platforms and promoted sites since organisations have our personal

data

Use synonyms

, it is better for us to keep it safe and cautious

due to

Linking Words

the possibility of

data

Use synonyms

breaches leading to

identity

Use synonyms

loss

Use synonyms

and economic

loss

Use synonyms

bram.admiral

Jan 19, 2026

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structure

Try to keep one idea in each paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence that tells the reader what the paragraph is about.

language

Use simple sentences and check for grammar. Use full stops and commas to show places to end or pause.

task response

Balance your view. Say both sides, then finish with your own clear view.

evidence

Give more real and clear examples to back each point.

argument

Clear view that harm from data use is a real worry.

evidence

Some examples are added to show risk of crime and loss.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

328 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

privacy
data security
cyberattack
identity theft
financial loss
manipulation
misinformation
targeted advertising
discriminatory practices
transparency
user consent
personal data
data breaches
consumer behavior
algorithm
inequality

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