IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Because many children are not able to learn foreign language, schools should not force to learn foreign language. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, people argue that foreign
languages
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 are hard to learn for
children
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, and institutions should not promote foreign
languages
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 to students. In my opinion,
this
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 trend is completely negative. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the reasons why learning new
languages
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 is crucial to
children
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's growth. Learning new
languages
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 has many benefits
to
Change preposition
for
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children
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's mental and physical health. One major advantage is brain development; the education of foreign
languages
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 can help boost the memory, improve how the brain functions and
also
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 increase the attention span. All of these aspects could be used as a tool for
children
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 to have creative thoughts.
Secondly
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, communication: chatting with people in other
languages
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 helps in enhancing social skills
such
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 as understanding body language, facial expressions, problem-solving and clear comprehension of emotions.
Moreover
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, the trend of learning foreign
languages
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 has many academic advantages.
For example
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, reading in a foreign language can help them gain new vocabulary and grammar.
Also
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, writing in a foreign language can
cause
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help
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 them
to
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apply
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achieve good grades and a better reputation among the teachers, which may result in good career opportunities in the future.
Furthermore
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, learning new
languages
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 exposes
children
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 to new cultures and heritages;
this
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 ability can raise intelligence and adaptability whenever individuals plan to travel or move to different parts of the world in the future.
To conclude
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, foreign
languages
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plays
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play
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 an
improtant
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important
 part in the growth of
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children
Check wording
children's
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 personality, since
this
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 trend can offer various benefits and can encourage
children
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 to be more confident and
open minded
Use the right word
open-minded
show examples
 to new
culutres
Correct your spelling
cultures
.

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task response
The essay has a clear plan, but the idea is not shown well. The writer says the view is completely negative, yet the body backs learning; this makes the view unclear. Pick one side and stick to it in the plan, then give 2-3 clear reasons.
coherence
Link ideas with simple joining words. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Make the flow from one idea to the next easy to see.
coherence
The introduction needs a clear main idea or thesis and the conclusion should restate it. A short last line that sums up the view helps to close the essay.
grammar
Grammar and spelling have errors (for example, improtant, culutres). Check spell and use correct form. Punctuation such as commas helps the reader.
language
Use fewer long phrases and keep to common words. This helps the mark if the idea is simple and clear. Give one or two good examples to show your point.
content
The essay has a clear idea that language learning can bring many benefits.
structure
Paragraphs show a plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
content
The writer gives many good reasons for why learning languages can help.
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