IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making relevant comparisons.

The given bar chart illustrates how many individuals
employed
Verb problem
were employed
show examples
 in various types of
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in one region of Australia between 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals working in
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
show examples
 sector was dominant in both years,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of farmers accounted for a minority figure and reached the lowest point in the final year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the data of people
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in accounting remained stable. To be more specific, the
number
Use synonyms
 of sales workforce was highest
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 150
thousand
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 the initial year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it increased continuously and remained in first place in
2008
Punctuation problem
2008,
show examples
 just above 160
thousand
Use synonyms
 people. The figure for
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 in accounting-related roles was the second largest
number
Use synonyms
, which plateaued around 60
thousand
Use synonyms
 On the other side, the data of farmers accounted for the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 in 2001, at just above 20
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
. In
2008
Punctuation problem
2008,
show examples
 it witnessed a slight fall to approximately 19
thousand
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the data for workers in
computing
Correct article usage
the computing
show examples
 and nursing
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 were identical, with both standing at around 50
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 2001. The
number
Use synonyms
 of people
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
computing
Correct article usage
the computing
show examples
 and nursing
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
 shared
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 upward trend above 60000 and nearly 60000
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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