IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The research shows that criminals have a low education level.Because of this, some people think that education in prisons could help them to get a job when they leave prisons. What extent you agree or disagree?

The research provided people with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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data, which
relieved
Verb problem
revealed
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 the poor education level in the majority of offenders, resulting
a
Change preposition
in a
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debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
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 prisoners should be educated during their time in prison to give
another
Correct word order
them another
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 chance to
them
Correct word order
apply
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to
Verb problem
apply
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live with ordinary life and get a job or not. I partly agree with
teaching
Correct article usage
the teaching
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 of inmates.
While
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 it can
deviate
Verb problem
lead
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 them into a life of normal people, it can
also
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 expand their knowledge, which may lead to more complex plans of crimes. More detailed explanations will be in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, tutoring the people
of
Change preposition
about
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 crimes can be effective in rehabilitating them. The daily instructions from professionals
of
Change preposition
in
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 their fields for years can completely change the outlook of offenders about the world. Notwithstanding how strong and trained their bodies
are
Punctuation problem
are,
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 no one can escape the influence of psychological treatment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the psychology courses are essential to gradually alter their minds by supporting them to let them feel the warmth of the real world.
On the other hand
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, informing prisoners can be
as
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like
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 repairing a bomb that
erupted you
Verb problem
has exploded
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. Raising the education level of criminals not only can largely affect the economy of the government, but
also
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 can put the population in danger.
This
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 is not just meaningless words that
exaggerates
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exaggerate
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 the influence of inmates, there are many times when offenders
dealt
Verb problem
have dealt
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a
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apply
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serious damage to both
country
Correct article usage
the country
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 and humans there.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India in
1997
Punctuation problem
1997,
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 large band of terrorists caused
the
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apply
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significant explosions, turning some regions of the country to ruins, demanding
the
Correct article usage
a
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 substantial amount of money from the heads of the country.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 guidance
of
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can be really dangerous. In conclusion,
while
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 there is a chance to turn them into
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
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 person, the probability
to make
Change preposition
of making
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 them a bigger threat is
also
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 not zero.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first lines. State your stance in the intro and keep it to the end.
organization
Give one idea per paragraph and explain it with one easy example.
grammar
Use simple sentences and check grammar. Avoid long, mixed ideas.
cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, but, because, so to help flow.
structure
There is a clear position and a conclusion.
cohesion
Some good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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