IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates how many females and males are going to different classes in the evening at an institution in the year 2009,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart provides data involving the how old the attendees
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that the
Use synonyms
women
Check wording
women's
show examples
proporation
Correct your spelling
proportion
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 higher than the
Use synonyms
men
Check wording
men's
show examples
 percentage.
Also
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 aged 50 and above had the top ratio among the others.
According to
Linking Words
 the data shown,
people
Use synonyms
 who participated in the drama course consisted of 30, 20 for the
women
Use synonyms
 and 10 for the
men
Use synonyms
. As for the painting session, it is noticeable that the
men
Use synonyms
 rose by almost 15,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
 increased by 10. The sculpture class had the
least
Correct word choice
fewest
show examples
 individuals compared to the other classes, with a percentage that was 10 and under for both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
. As for
language
Correct article usage
the language
show examples
 class,
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 had 20 and 40
individuals
Punctuation problem
individuals,
show examples
 respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, teenagers showed a ratio
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 5%,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 increased
6
Change preposition
to 6
show examples
% for
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged from 20 to 29. As for the older generation,
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 30 to 39 had 16%, and the percentage increased by 10% for the elders.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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