IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In some countries today, children are taught from a young age that competition is important and that winning is everything. Is this a positive or a negative development?

I believe
that is
Linking Words
 a negative development as it shows that failure is not an option. Young children are in the process of developing a healthy
mindset
Punctuation problem
mindset,
show examples
 as they have yet to experience different and new things. Competition is important
as well as
Linking Words
 wanting to win
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 to place
such
Linking Words
 an importance on it by phrasing that "winning is everything" shows that there is no safe room available to make mistakes, which I strongly believe against. Young children should be taught that it is normal to go through failures
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 in fact, it is necessary. Having built the mindset that competition and winning
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 everything would hinder a child's self-confidence and self-esteem as they would constantly blame themselves for any shortcomings.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that children being taught from a young age that competition is important and that winning is everything creates a negative development.

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structure
Make a clear start and end. Begin with a short line that states your view. End with a short line that sums up.
content
Add 2-3 ideas in the body with simple detail. Give small examples to back each idea.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas, such as and, but, so, also, however.
language
Check grammer and phrases. Fix weak phrases like 'is not an option' and 'which I strongly believe against'.
content
Clear view on the topic.
coherence
Ideas follow in order.
structure
Ending sentence links to the idea.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achievement
  • drive
  • personal growth
  • self-esteem
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • strategic thinking
  • pressure
  • time management
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • burnout
  • teamwork
  • cooperation
  • personal success
  • collaborative efforts
  • rivalry
  • camaraderie
  • unethical behavior
  • cheating
  • integrity
  • moral compass
  • long-term consequences
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
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