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Band 5.5

Many parents put pressure on their children to get excellent grades in school. Some people say this is a good idea while others say that it is a bad thing to do. Give both the advantages and disadvantages of parents putting pressure on their children to get excellent grades.

Many
parents
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 want their
children
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 to be the best in the school. That puts
pressure
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 on them to get high
marks
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. Some agree that
this
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 is a good strategy,
while
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 others say that it is a harmful idea.
This
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 essay will examine the advantages and the disadvantages of putting
pressure
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 on kids to get high
marks
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. On the one hand, putting
pressure
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 on
children
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 to get high
grades
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 is an excellent idea. First, excellence in school will be good for their future. Some young people just want to play , so their
parents
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 advise them to write perfect exams.
For
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example
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,
parents
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 can limit the time spent playing computer games.
Second,
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students do not see their future
as well as
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 their
parents
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.
Children
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 prefer to play and enjoy fun activities. The
parents
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 understand that good
grades
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 are important.
Finally
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,getting high
marks
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 means they get new information
while
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 studying. Knowing new information makes young people smarter and leads to success.
For
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example
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, good
grades
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 mean acceptance to top universities.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some major problems
in
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with
show examples
this
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 strategy.
First,
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children
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 will hate themselves because they can'
t
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 make their
parents
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 happy with their
grades
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.
Although
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 kids do their best in studying, some
parents
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 become angry with them if they don'
t
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 get top
marks
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.
For
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example
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,
parents
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 shouting at their
children
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 to get full
marks
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 is a negative action. Second,they won'
t
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 have the determination to continue studying. More
pressure
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 on them will make them hate academics.
For
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example
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,they don'
t
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 have the strong will to continue studying because their family forces them.
Finally
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,constant
pressure
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 may lead to serious mental health problems. Some
children
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 can'
t
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 handle the
pressure
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 , which makes them suffocate from psychological problems. In conclusion, it is clear to see that parental academic
pressure
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 on
children
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 has some advantages.
However
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, it has been documented that there are
also
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 many disadvantages to
this
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 strategy.

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structure
Make one clear view in the intro and restate it in the conclusion.
structure
In each paragraph, talk about one main point with a simple sentence at the start.
coherence
Use more link words like and, but, also, then to tie ideas.
content
Give one clear example for each point and say how it shows the pro or con.
content
Has both sides shown clearly with on the one hand and on the other hand.
structure
Has an introduction and a conclusion.
content
Some good examples are included.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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