IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents put pressure on their children to get excellent grades in school. Some people say this is a good idea while others say that it is a bad thing to do. Give both the advantages and disadvantages of parents putting pressure on their children to get excellent grades.

Many
parents
Use synonyms
 want their
children
Use synonyms
 to be the best in the school.That puts
pressure
Use synonyms
 on them to get high
marks
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should be careful with their
children
Use synonyms
 in those situations.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the advantages and the disadvantages of putting
pressure
Use synonyms
 on kids to get high
marks
Use synonyms
. There are some advantages to
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
marks
Use synonyms
.First, getting high
marks
Use synonyms
 will be good for their future.Some young
people
Use synonyms
 just want to play
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 them to get high
marks
Use synonyms
 on their exams.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
,the mom
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 her
children
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way to get high
marks
Use synonyms
 for their sake.
Second,
Linking Words
students love
people
Use synonyms
 who are hardworking.
Children
Use synonyms
 want to make their
parents
Use synonyms
 proud
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they work really hard
to
Rephrase
not to
show examples
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 upset them.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
study
Use synonyms
 hard on final exams to get nice grades.
Finally
Linking Words
,getting high
marks
Use synonyms
 means they get new information
while
Linking Words
 studying.Knowing new information
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 smarter and
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to success.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, looking for new information in science books to help
people
Use synonyms
 in
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
show examples
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,there are many disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 putting
pressure
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to get excellent grades.
First,
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 will hate themselves because they can'
t
Use synonyms
 make their
parents
Use synonyms
 happy with their grades.
Although
Linking Words
 kids do their best in studying, some
parents
Use synonyms
 become angry with them if they don'
t
Use synonyms
 get high
marks
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
,
Parents
Use synonyms
 who are shouting at their
children
Use synonyms
 to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
markes
Correct your spelling
marks
.Second,they won'
t
Use synonyms
 have the determination to continue studying.More
pressure
Use synonyms
 on them will make them hate the
study
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
,they don'
t
Use synonyms
 have the strong
well
Use the right word
will
show examples
 to continue
Use synonyms
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 because their family became furious with them.
Finally
Linking Words
,constant
pressure
Use synonyms
 may lead to serious mental health problems.Some
children
Use synonyms
 can'
t
Use synonyms
 handle the
pressure
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them suffocate from psychological problems. In conclusion, I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to work hard and
study
Use synonyms
 well in order to achieve their goals.
Therefore
Linking Words
,young
people
Use synonyms
 should do their best to succeed and make their families proud of them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it in the rest of the essay.
task response
Use one idea per paragraph and give a simple example for each point.
coherence
Use link words to show the flow, like 'First', 'Next', 'But', 'However', 'For example'.
language
Keep grammar and spelling simple. Check verb form and plural work.
structure
Balance the sides. Give both sides equal time and end with your view.
structure
The essay shows both sides and has a short conclusion.
content
Some clear examples are used to support points.
structure
There is a simple plan: intro, two body parts, conclusion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: