How do movies or television influence peopleʼs behaviour?

In the contemporary world, the
issue
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of the influence of movies and television on peopleʼs
behaviour
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. has attracted considerable public and academic attention.
While
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many people argue that it plays a vital role in shaping modern life, others remain more
skeptical
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sceptical
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. From my perspective,
this
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issue
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is of great significance, as it affects not only individuals but society as a whole.  
To begin
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with, one compelling reason is
that
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that,
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firstly
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, movies and television influence people’s
behaviour
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by presenting role models
..
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.
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For example
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, many young people copy the style or language of popular characters.
This
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clearly illustrates the extent to which
this
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issue
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influences everyday life and decision-making.  
Furthermore
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, another crucial consideration is
secondly
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,
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apply
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they shape people’s values and attitudes. To illustrate
this
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point,
for instance
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, films that promote kindness encourage more positive
behaviour
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.
Such
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evidence highlights that the
issue
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is far from trivial and deserves serious consideration.   In conclusion,
although
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opinions may differ regarding the influence of movies and television on peopleʼs
behaviour
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. I firmly believe that it has a profound and lasting impact.
For
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this
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reason, it is essential to
recognize
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recognise
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its importance and apply it thoughtfully and responsibly in our lives.

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task response
Your answer has a view and two ideas. To get higher marks, give more strong points, add examples that show why they matter, and keep your view clear in every paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make the flow clear. Start each paragraph with its main idea and use linking words. Do not over use 'firstly' and 'secondly'. Use simple links like 'also', 'then', 'so'.
strength
You state your view and give a point for the reader to think about.
strength
There is a simple plan: intro, two body parts, simple ending.
strength
Some linking words are used to connect ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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