IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries people now wear western clothes rather than traditional clothing. Why? Is this a positive or negative development?

In
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of the countries in the world, wearing
western
Fix capitalization
Western
show examples
attires
Fix the agreement mistake
attire
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 gaining more and more fame among citizens, taking the place of traditional clothing styles.
This
Linking Words
 can be attributed to
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
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 and convenience,
whereas
Linking Words
 these are providing us with both emotional and physical comfort, it is giving a chance to show their personality and inner side more freely lieu of following the general mindset that limits their freedom in
style
Use synonyms
. One factor that encourages
to follow
Wrong verb form
following
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western
Fix capitalization
Western
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 fashion is
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
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. Since almost everyone
now is
Correct word order
is now
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 used to
wear
Wrong verb form
wearing
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 the new world’s clothing rather than the
style
Use synonyms
 that
reminded
Wrong verb form
reminds
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the
Correct pronoun usage
them
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centuries
Check wording
apply
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of the
countries’
Check wording
apply
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history, no one wants to be seen as a person from
Correct article usage
the stone
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stone age
Fix capitalization
Stone Age
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 in
this
Linking Words
 world full of
judgement
Use the right word
judgment
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.
However
Linking Words
, not only
the
Verb problem
does the
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 fear of being judged
influences
Correct subject-verb agreement
influence
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people
Check wording
people's
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 appreciation towards
cloth
Use the right word
clothes
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, but
also
Linking Words
 the practicality
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 plays a huge role in their daily lives.
While
Linking Words
 western attire gives
the
Correct article usage
a
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 range like casual
style
Use synonyms
, street
style
Use synonyms
, and formal
style
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 does not fall behind in terms of endurance, compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional clothes. From my perspective, the western
style
Use synonyms
 is offering an allowance to dress based on
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
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 appreciation
instead
Linking Words
 of public opinion. As long as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is created to ease the lifestyles of people, there cannot be any negative impacts from it. In conclusion, the popularity of
Correct article usage
the western
show examples
western
Fix capitalization
Western
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style
Use synonyms
 of clothing is mainly caused by
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convenience. The
western
Fix capitalization
Western
show examples
 fashion is giving
a
Check wording
people a
show examples
chance to people to be more independent in following their own thoughts.

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content
Make your view clear from the start and stay with it. Add two or three strong points that support your view, with a short example.
structure
Use simple links between ideas. Each paragraph should stay on one big idea and help the next one to come.
language
Check grammar and word form. Use common words and short sentences to avoid mistakes.
content
There is a clear topic and you give reasons for the view.
structure
There is a conclusion that restates your idea.
content
The essay body uses some related reasons like globalization and practicality.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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