IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think nations and individuals should focus on their own personal problems rather than global ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an opinion that nations and civilians should pay
attention
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 to their own personal
issues
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 rather than global
ones
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. Personally, I agree with
this
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 opinion because when
people
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focus
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 on their life and their own
problems
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, they can act to solve these
problems
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 , and their lifetime would be better than thinking about global
problems
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. On the one hand some
people
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 believe that
people
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 should
focus
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 on global
issues
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 rather than their own
problems
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, for if
people
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 to pay
attention
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 to solve global
issues
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 it can bring more fame and a wealth,
for example
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, in the USA whenever
people
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 could clean the dirty places or outdated places they would get an award by government and may be they can get a huge amount of money, after that they pay
attention
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 to their own
problems
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, by
this
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 action individuals can put their own
issues
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 to second.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 and I believe that
people
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 should
focus
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 on their own
problems
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 rather than find solutions to global
problems
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, because individuals have their own
problems
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 and thoughts
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the global
ones
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 can be another burden to them.
For instance
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, nowadays
people
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 have enough
issues
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 and they have to think about them rather than global
ones
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, and they must provide with financially and psychological,
then
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 they have to
focus
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 on not only global but
also
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 public trouble too; another example, it could experienced by my life, I witnessed more hardships in my life,
for example
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, financial and psychological, at that time I did not think about global or public obstacle, except my family. In conclusion,
while
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 focusing on global
issues
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 is thoughtful, individuals must pay
attention
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 to their own
problems
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 rather than global
ones
Use synonyms
.

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content
Make a clear plan before you write. State your view in one clear line at the start and keep to it.
structure
Give one idea per paragraph. Start with the idea, then add a simple example and a short explain why it matters.
language
Use linking words to show order and contrast, like first, also, but, however, and in addition.
content
Stay on topic. Do not add details that do not help your point.
language
Check small grammar and spelling. Use short, simple sentence patterns to avoid errors.
development
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
content
Some real life examples are given, which touch the idea.
structure
The essay tries to compare personal and global issues.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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