IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children? What could be consequences for these children when they grow up?

Whether the desires of
children
Use synonyms
 should be satisfied in all respects has gained widespread discussion, as child-rearing becomes a more
significnat
Correct your spelling
significant
 issue nowadays. I strongly believe that it does extreme harm to
children
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 if all their demands can be satisfied without making any
efforts
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effort
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, leading to a miserable adulthood
as a consequence
Linking Words
. Spoiling
children
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 can cause detrimental effects in the process of their development.
Children
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 gain knowledge and learn lessons through achieving specific goals. If
children
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 can get whatever they want, they will lose
motives
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motivation
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 and perseverance to pursue anything
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as
precious
Correct article usage
the precious
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 lessons from failures.
Moreover
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,
children
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 who are allowed to do whatever they want are most likely to develop dangerous behavioural patterns
such
Linking Words
 as addictions to games or drugs, because they can not rationally hold back their natural impulses.
For instance
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, there were spoiled teenagers from wealthy families who committed sexual
offenses
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offences
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.
Therefore
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, the needs and behaviours of
children
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 should be strictly supervised by their parents.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Spoiled
children
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 can have unrealistic notions of society and
therefore
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 lead a miserable life when they grow up. Adults who have been oversatisfied when they were kids tend to be irresponsible when it comes to building a family or career, which will cause terrible interpersonal relationships and bad professional performance.
This
Linking Words
 is because spoiled
children
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 have become selfish adults who are unable to work hard and make
contribution
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contributions
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.
Overall
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, spoiling
children
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 by meeting all their demands is harmful to their development, which could
consequently
Linking Words
 lead to a miserable adulthood. Parents should be strict to regulate their
children
Use synonyms
's needs and behaviours.

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planning
State your position clearly in the introduction and repeat it in the conclusion to show a clear stance.
task
Stay focused on the task by giving direct answers about consequences and avoid broad or off-topic claims.
content
Use fair and general examples, and avoid sensitive or sensational cases that may mislead readers.
language
Write in shorter, simple sentences and check grammar to keep meaning clear.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas are connected and guide the reader through your points.
structure
Follow a clear four-paragraph structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
closing
End with a firm conclusion that restates your view and the reason.
content
Clear stance on why spoiling children can harm their growth.
organization
An attempt to connect growth, behaviour, and future outcomes.
coherence
Some use of connectors to link ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
What to do next:
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