The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that implementing physical education lessons in schools can tackle a widespread health problem associated with

overweight

Verb problem

being overweight

show examples

Check wording

apply

show examples

people

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

essay totally agrees with that idea, since it comes with certain merits for students. First and foremost, nowadays

youngesters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

have only superficial

knowledges

Fix the agreement mistake

knowledge

show examples

about the dangers that can be led by

obessity

Correct your spelling

obesity

. In today's world,

teenagers

Use synonyms

tend to consume a lot of junk food,

such

Linking Words

fast-food

Use the right word

fast food

show examples

, sweets

etc.

Punctuation problem

, etc.

show examples

, and do not

realize

Change the spelling

realise

show examples

the variety of harmful effects caused by

such

Linking Words

diet

Correct article usage

a diet

show examples

Teenagers

Use synonyms

whose diet

consist

Correct subject-verb agreement

consists

show examples

primarily of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

products with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

high

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

of fats and carbohydrates

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

eventually

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

become overweight, which makes them

much

Rephrase

show examples

vulnerable

for

Change preposition

show examples

getting

hearth

Use the right word

heart

show examples

diseases,

diabet

Correct your spelling

diabetes

and so on.

For instance

Linking Words

, recent research conducted by graduate students of Yale University showed that 65% of

people

Use synonyms

suffering from

diabet

Correct your spelling

diabetes

were individuals who did not pay attention

for

Change preposition

show examples

their diets from childhood, and

finally

Linking Words

, their hormonal system started being unable to produce

insuline

Correct your spelling

insulin

by itself.

Second,

Linking Words

obessity related

Correct your spelling

obesity-related

problems can negatively affect on student's social life. It is widely acknowledged that

teenagers

Use synonyms

sometimes can be very toxic toward

people

Use synonyms

who

not

Verb problem

do not

show examples

match traditional

standarts

Correct your spelling

standards

, specifically

people

Use synonyms

with body defects. Physical education could help

teenagers

Use synonyms

with

such

Linking Words

problems by providing them with regular

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

activities.

For example

Linking Words

similar

Correct article usage

a similar

show examples

initiative in

German

Replace the word

Germany

show examples

resulted in a

siginificant

Correct your spelling

significant

decrease in the proportion of fat students.

To sum up

Linking Words

, physical education is a strong educational campaign that can tackle

global

Correct article usage

the global

show examples

problem of the growing number of overweight

people

Use synonyms

, and it could be especially beneficial for

younger

Correct article usage

the younger

show examples

generation.

writing9acc

Jan 24, 2026

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structure

Plan your essay well. Start with a short intro that states your view. Then have one idea in each paragraph and end with a clear conclusion.

language

Use simple and clear words. Check spelling and use correct grammar.

content

Give facts that can be true and easy to check. Do not use wrong data.

cohesion

Use linking words to show ideas connect, like also, but, and, because.

task

Your view is clear and you stay on the topic.

content

You add some examples to back up your idea.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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