IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that now we cans see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.

There are a number of
people
Use synonyms
 saying that
movies
Use synonyms
 should be enjoyed on our personal gadgets at home
instead
Linking Words
 of going to
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 others consider that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be
full
Replace the word
fully
show examples
 enjoyed only in theatres.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perspectives in the paragraphs below, and I will
also
Linking Words
 share my viewpoint. On one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 are extremely busy with their work that their work-life balance has
lost
Verb problem
been lost
show examples
 somewhere in their busy schedules.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, everyone wants to save their
time
Use synonyms
 in order to reduce travelling because they travel for work every day.
As a result
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,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer watching
movies
Use synonyms
 to spend some
time
Use synonyms
 within their comfort
at
Check wording
zone at
show examples
 their place on tablets and mobile phones.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are multiple applications available for films and web series in today's world, like Netflix, Prime Video, where individuals prefer watching them with their families.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is believed by numerous
people
Use synonyms
 that there is no need to go to
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
cinema
Punctuation problem
cinema,
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 choosing home is a better option for entertainment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, spending
time
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loved ones has its own importance
as well as
Linking Words
 going out to visit
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
, for watching films,
foster
Correct subject-verb agreement
fosters
show examples
 enjoyment in one's life.
In other words
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
plan
spending
Wrong verb form
to spend
show examples
 some leisure
time
Use synonyms
, it is essential to choose an activity outside their home, and watching
movies
Use synonyms
 in the
cimema
Correct your spelling
cinema
 hall does provide a bundle of joy not only to the kids but
to
Correct word order
also to
show examples
 the parents
Correct word order
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
, booking movie tickets and sitting together, for a particular fun has its own importance, because of the crowd in the theatre and a big screen for its intended purpose.
Thus
Linking Words
, for the complete enjoyment,
fims
Correct your spelling
films
 should be seen in a
cinema
Use synonyms
 only. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the topic of watching
movies
Use synonyms
, or
films
Punctuation problem
films,
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 mixed opinions;
however
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it is important to have some fun
time
Use synonyms
 with the families and loved ones in theatres solely.
Moreover
Linking Words
, opting for tablets and phones should not be encouraged.

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language
Fix spelling and grammar so ideas are clear.
structure
Have a plan: intro with your view, two body paragraphs for each view, and a short ending.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas and show how they fit.
content
Give clear examples for each idea and avoid repeating the same phrases.
content
Shows both sides of the topic.
structure
Gives your own view at the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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