IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people are opting for holistic medicine rather than conventional medicine as a form of treatment for incurable diseases. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such practice? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Approaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
holistic
medicine
Use synonyms
 to
cure
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
certain
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 nowadays is popular than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conventional
medicine
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as curing in the hospital with drugs. I partially disagree that only drug
medicine
Use synonyms
 is only key to
Use synonyms
cure
Wrong verb form
curing
show examples
 the unknown disease,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other factors
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 individual
habits
Punctuation problem
habits,
show examples
 remain important to consider. Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diseases
already
Verb problem
have already
show examples
rise
Wrong verb form
risen
show examples
 in many forms of symptoms. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
existing
Replace the word
existence
show examples
 of unique sickness
was
Verb problem
can
show examples
 only able to
Use synonyms
cure
Wrong verb form
cured
show examples
 by the holistic
approached
Replace the word
approach
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of consuming
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug
medicine
Use synonyms
 in the
backgrounf
Correct your spelling
background
 of rapid knowledge development in
medicine
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 always
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 in the world, where the part of
the
Correct article usage
some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 still put trust
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
religion without a base
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
medicine
Replace the word
medical
show examples
 knowledge. Specifically,
this
Linking Words
 case
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
often appeared in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small region that did not meet the rapid technology distribution.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 somehow avoid the latest information about how
actually we can
Correct word order
we can actually
show examples
 solve the sickness of
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body.
However
Linking Words
,
conventional
Correct article usage
the conventional
show examples
 method which
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
evident-based
Use the right word
evidence-based
show examples
approaching
Replace the word
approaches
show examples
 is highly essential to identify what is the actual sickness of
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body and how to
cure
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
it precicely
show examples
precicely
Correct your spelling
precisely
.
Misdectection
Correct your spelling
Misdiagnosis
 of
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the source reason,
such
Linking Words
 as the virus or bacteria, which
mostly
Verb problem
is mostly
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
done
with not
Use the right word
without
show examples
 knowing the root
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
causes
Punctuation problem
causes,
show examples
 could lead to
worst
Correct article usage
the worst
show examples
 effect of death.
Despite
Change preposition
Although
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conventional
medicine
Use synonyms
 is
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 choice to
cure
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
incurable diseases, implementing the conventional
approaching
Replace the word
approach
show examples
 will not be effective if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not implement
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as choosing the proper
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food, doing frequent exercise, and staying out of stress by
keeping out
Verb problem
avoiding
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad habits. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly believe that only
trust
Wrong verb form
trusting
show examples
 conventional
medicine
Use synonyms
 will not clearly work to
cure
Use synonyms
 the incurable disease if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are still in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad habits.

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structure
Plan a short plan before you write. Say your view at the start. Then add two clear points for holis tic and two for normal drugs, with a simple example.
language
Use short, clear sentences. Use link words like but, so, because, for example to show time and reason.
content
Give one clear idea in each paragraph. Use a clear intro and a short end. Use one main idea in body paragraphs with a small example.
content
You talk about both sides and you have a closing line.
language
You try to use your own view in the end.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health
  • illness
  • disease
  • cure
  • treatment
  • care
  • doctor
  • patient
  • medicine
  • therapy
  • evidence
  • proof
  • risk
  • benefit
  • side effect
  • cost
  • home
  • mind
  • body
  • whole person
  • natural
  • example
  • experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: